An inescapable urge (TW: SH)
Ever since I was about 10-11 years old I’ve gotten urges to hurt myself. I’ve noticed that the urges come back the moment I get upset about something in any way, and they eat at me until they are properly dismissed or satisfied. I don’t want to hurt myself, but it’s hard when the urge persists. The urge can range from me feeling the need to cut myself just a little to feeling the need to mutilate myself. It’s quite distressing, I’m not sure why it happens and I can’t remember exactly when it started. All I know is that I have scars in three places on my body, some are years old, some are only months old, but they represent years of mental struggle.
I usually don’t tell anyone about these urges, a lot of the time I succeed in getting them to go away, so there’s no use for anyone to know. I’m not addicted, I suppose it’s something I’ve turned to in times of stress or pain for so long that it’s become hard to stray away from. I’m writing this now because I’m dealing with such urges, but I’m not in any distress at the moment, so I’m sure it’ll go away without me acting on it.