My NM lives w/me (long story), sadly she moved in before I knew she was a narc. In 2020 I finally figured it out. I got good at grey rocking approx in 2023 and we'd been surviving all this time, me sleeping in the day and studying at night and avoiding her (which was working well).
Even when she tried to get her narc supply, I was doing really good avoiding falling in her trap. I could let a lot of crap go bc I just didn't want to give her supply (she's been trying a lot in the last few months).
Today, I helped her out w/an old smartphone w/a swollen battery. I explained that it was dangerous to have and I took care of deleting her data and making sure it was safe to discard the whole phone if necessary. I explained to her what the best choices were (keep the phone and discard battery, if not, throw it all away) but I said she had to go w/her phone guy to see if he could take care of this or guide her to the right location to dispose of the battery/phone properly.
She's deaf in 1 ear and I've noticed in the last few months, she "pretends" to have heard and understand everything I've said. Many times, she pretends and later she admits that "oh I didn't hear you say that" or " I forgot" (after the fact). She CAN'T admit she didn't hear and WILL NOT ASK me to repeat again (I don't get this!). Because of this, today I asked her several times to repeat what I'd said because I wanted to make sure she understood that these things were important but either she didn't hear or didn't care to comprehend. I, stupidly, insisted on her trying to get it right and in comprehending the importance of what needed to happen. I don't doubt she noticed my frustration because I was trying hard to keep my cool. I hate it when she pulls the pseudo stupidity card (what I was telling her really wasn't hard).
Since I interrupted her cleaning a saucepan (as I remembered another suggestion) she showed her annoyance by throwing the sponge in the sink because I was back again to tell her something else (sadly, for her damn safety).
I wish I had let it go, but instead I pointed out that her attitude was not nice as I was just trying to be helpful. I wish I'd said nothing. She turns it around and says I'm the one with the "attitude", the voice volume escalates, she talks over me and proceeds to bring out arguments circa 2007, blames an ex boyfriend for turning me against her, along w/other nonsense that had NOTHING to do w/ the issue (apparently, I care more for trash and coffee grounds than I do her).
I wish that watching her throw that sponge didn't get to me, but it did.
It's crazy to hear these people distort facts and reality. It's grotesque really. She complains that I "repeat" myself, and yet when I ask her if she understood, she fails to repeat the instructions or the information, hence why I repeat. Why can't she just be honest about that? (She won't get a hearing aid - she yelled at me for suggesting that too).
I wish I didn't care, but I do care for her safety.
After all these years, I fell again. It's like I still, somehow, want to believe it's possible to get through and get her to SEE and take responsibility. The accusations, projection and gaslighting in today's argument was fvcking WILD. They truly are horrible people, but I am wondering why seeing her throw that damn sponge affect me so much. Why couldn't I let it go like so many other things?
If you're in a better place, how do you do it to NOT fall back again and get caught in those narc supply traps? What helped you focus on YOU and not them? Anything that helps w/the pressure of letting go of behavior w/out affecting you and not letting that pressure build so much as to explode like I did?
Advice DEFINITELY appreciated. Thanks for reading.