binged really badly today
in a very bad mental state and way too full physically
but i felt so good throughout the last week
and this binge is the worst one in the past 2 months
i feel like I'm literally crashing out
but just in the past few days i was feeling the best about myself and trying to adjust my mindset. somehow i just couldn't do it anymore today suddenly.
i wanted to think this can be changed and my life can be changed. but it ruins a bit of other aspects of my life as well. my mistakes doesn't define me but i do hate this part of me so much. i learnt to accept it but it's really more like a compromise. a compromise to this literal addiction so that i can keep living and keep wanting my dreams.
i got so anxious today. and i couldn't tell if binge led to it or the opposite. and i hate myself again.
btw really low self esteem, because nobody irl gets this and it's the most uncool addiction. if i have to compare it with other types of addiction, it's good but i hate myself with it.
I'm 22 years old now. 6 years of it and i just can't change it. it keeps getting better and getting worse. it creates fake dreams to me and gives me hope in a weird way but i think I'm in hell