Too boring to be around
Im no good at carrying conversation. I have some interest. pokemon showdown, music, youtube videos about news and media, drawing, but I dont know enough to discuss them in any meaningful length or depth. When i spend time with someone one on one things quickly devolve into an awkward silence I dont know how to fix. I really see no point for anyone to hang out with me or get to know me. There have been points where women were clearly interested in me, and men wanted to hang out with and befriend me but I never saw a point in pursuing relationships plutonic or not. I felt it would always lead to their disappointment. I feel my "social muscle" has atrophied to nothing, and its only going to get worse with age. I often question if its worth living, and find relief in imagining never having existed at all.