I 26F don’t know what I mentally experienced the past few years. I grew up agnostic, and it wasn’t until 4-5 years ago that I got more into spirituality. I guess this is also around the time where TikTok was having a lot more tarot readings on my FYP. Because of that, I went and got my first tarot reading and it went really really well (definitely made sure to pick a reliable tarot reader), but I do feel like I definitely misinterpreted how things would unfold in my life. I kind of gave up on my previous life goals to pursue something new. I was really confused because I guess I just thought that everything from the tarot reading would just come true without me having to put in any effort (I was very wrong), and so for like a year or two, I didn’t try to get a job, get in a relationship, or just be an adult. Maybe I was just delusional, but maybe I was stuck in some form of spiritual psychosis? I’m not entirely sure.
I guess it just felt very real that certain things will just come true for me without me putting in any effort. I did end up receiving more guidance and understanding a year or 2 later, but like I still have to take action to achieve my goals. And now that I’m doing that, I’m in a much more grounded headspace and am struggling to comprehend what mental space I was in before. I don’t know if it was spiritual psychosis or just delusions around manifestation?
For example, one crazy thing I did was take a flight across the country without any money because I thought I would meet my boyfriend/husband and that he’ll be there to pick me up at the airport (I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband at the time, but I really thought I did). The first day when I landed, I was so sad that no one was there to pick me up, but I was so convinced that my soulmate was at the airport waiting for me. There were people there that asked me “do you need a ride?”, and I’d just tell them like “no, my boyfriend/husband’s gonna come get me” cause I really thought I was communicating with someone with my own tarot cards which who I thought was my soulmate. I ended up spending the weekend at the airport because I had to wait for the money from my savings to hit my account. I flew back home once my savings kicked in. That’s one crazy thing I did.
I would say I’m okay now. I am very grounded and am doing much better mentally, so reflecting on the past few years have been bittersweet and a little bit disappointing because of how much I was struggling mentally without even realizing it at the time. I would like to just have some understanding of what could have happened? What would you call that experience? I want to know if anyone is able to either relate or is able to explain any theories around people’s mental state altering or changing due to beliefs around manifestation, spirituality, or tarot. Could this potentially have been psychosis or just very strong delusions, or is there another term that could potentially describe this? I have a therapist, but am too ashamed/embarrassed to admit that this happened.