Like breaking an addiction
Long and sexually addictive relationship with ex narc. We were involved for a long time, about 7 yrs on and off. He always kept it casual, surface level..our time together was light and fun and always very sexual. He had all the typical narc behaviour of hot and cold, stone walling, fear of intimacy etc. Initially I thought he and I could be together in a real relationship but after years I decided I could handle keeping him around purely for sex and fun.
I won’t get into what ended this casual thing we had but it was ugly. I did end up apologizing to him, fawning, but he won’t speak to me. He has blocked me everywhere. I started therapy last year and it’s been very helpful but I still feel so much yearning for him 10 months later. I long for the sex we had together, how desired he made me feel in those moments. I haven’t had sex with anyone since because I’m scared I’ll be let down and miss him all over. I feel like he chemically bonded me to him. He walks away no problem and I’m still left longing all these months later. I want it to stop.