u/Corruptpasta

I graduated cosmetology last year in September, I should’ve had my license by now but I failed the test two times now I have to start from square one I’m rereading the whole book I feel like I’ve forgotten everything I learned in school. It doesn’t help that I was probably the worst of my class I couldn’t do anything right and I was the only one who had retake the state board exam. I don’t understand anything about hair cutting color seems to be the only thing I’m somewhat decent at idk what to do

My wrist hurts from writing in my journal so I’m just going to write here. It’s a long one so buckle up.

Like the title says, I am afraid of time more specifically involving loosing loved ones. I’ve never lost someone in my family and/or someone close to me so I don’t know what it’s like. I’m afraid of loosing my dog and grandparents. The other day I was packing away my dogs toys because hes now 9 years old and doesnt play with them anymore this made me cry because it’s sort of a reminder that I’ll never get to play with him again and that he’s closer to death (dark I know)

My grandparents are very dear to me, I live with them and I feel like sometimes I take them for granted. I dream to move out and live on my own but i worry at what costs that might bring. When I move out will they still be there?

I worry that when my dreams come true I’ll loose something I hold close in the process. I may be wording things weird I don’t know. This post may not make any sense. Not that it’s an excuse but I’m also very drowsy on Benadryl so the hat man might be making me feel this way. I don’t know. Anyways thats all if no one’s reads this at least I can pretend this is an entry in my journal. My wrists hurt and I’m two seconds away from passing out so goodnight or good morning.

Late at night I wash my hands a lot because I draw and when I draw my hands get sweaty and when my hands get sweaty I rinse them. It’s only a temporary solution because they get sweaty again. My thought is what if someone thinks I’m washing my hands cause I’m doing *ahem* other activities? Idk this is kind of a silly fear I know but I can’t get it off my mind