u/Correct-Anxiety5787

It’s been 10 years since I was SA’d as a child by a relative.

Does it ever get better?

I hate myself for not getting up and leaving when I felt something was wrong.

I hate myself for not being to satisfy my partner as often, as I suspect, he’d like.

Does it at any point go away? Do you ever stop feeling so disgusting and filthy whenever you do something intimate? Do or can you ever forget about it?

Or is it just going to be like this for the rest of my life?

Sometimes (rarely, like when i’m drunk or something) I feel like I can be sexy, and attractive. But most of the time I hate myself. I feel so ugly, gross and stupid for trying to be anything but that.

Can, or will I ever enjoy sex/intimacy?