u/Correct-Actuator-123

I 38F and my husband 42M have been together almost 20 years. The entire relationship I have always been the higher libido. He has always been the lower libido. I would be happy with twice a week. I am lucky if I get once. Objectively, I believe myself to be attractive, like a 6 on a bad day, and a strong 7 on a good day. He is as well. He is also a dismissive avoidance, touch is not his love language at all. His is acts of service/gifts. But he is very reluctant to talk about his feelings/childhood/anything painful for him. I am a more secure than anxious attachment, but I am female so sometimes my feelings are stronger than my reasoning but I don't act out on them except maybe have a cry or be upset. I would say he turns me down 3-4 out of 5 times I initiate. Now he does have Type 1 diabetes, Mild RA, and Erectile dysfunction. He does have meds for it for occasions and I try not to ask on days when he has had a low, a flare up, or any emotional upsets. But he still turns me down. He usually comforts me by saying it's not me, he's not trying to hurt me and says oh we can do it a few days later and promises we can do it then. I just don't understand why though. I have asked him, is it physical, mental? He says it's hard to explain his head just wasn't there. I said we can try to put him in the mood and he says no. I just don't know how to keep putting myself out there anymore when the pain of rejection gets stronger every year. He does occasionally initiate but it is rare, maybe once or twice every couple months. That is really difficult for me to just be ok with. Divorce is not an option, spiritually/financially/emotionally. Please do not suggest that, I am looking for advice to heal us or approach him better or at least not feel so rejected. Is this part of the dismissive avoidance behavior? Am I expecting it too often? Is it a male confidence thing about the ED issue?