I keep thinking it gets better and it does. And yet it doesnt. Ill go so long without an incident and then something minor happens and im right back in the worst of it. And it always hurts so bad. Even though logically i know how it works, i know it will pass, and i know its not the whole picture it just hurts so damn bad. So god damn bad.
Im exhausted. And i feel so alone. Even though i know im not i just cant feel peoples love and i just feel so small and tired and so alone all the time. I just want to give up but the world wont let me and im as grateful as i am resentful for it. Its never felt fair and im so sad and lonely. I just want to be normal. Im having a good day too which is the worst of it all. I feel guilty for having feelings and it hurts so bad that i hurt others for feeling at all. The world is heavy on me and it continues on anyway.