TLDR: I keep worrying that my boyfriends feelings towards me will change and I want advice on how to stop that without constantly seeking reassurance
i (21F) recently got into my first relationship, my boyfriend (22M) is really sweet, of course we don’t agree on absolutely everything, but we have a lot of common interests, similar sense of humour, like to do similar things for fun, and obviously i find him really attractive.
although i’ve never been in a relationship before, ive had this problem in the past in both normal friendships and situations where i liked a person romantically and was friends with them but nothing ever came of it where basically i start off really happy and in a good mood all the time, and it goes like this for a few weeks until doubt starts to seep in and i start to have thoughts like ‘they didn’t say something nice about me in return when i said something nice about them, does that mean they’re getting bored of me?’, ‘their response wasn’t as long as i expected it to be, are they changing their mind about me?’, ‘i hope they don’t think i’m asking them to hang out too often’, ‘they didn’t talk to me as much as usual today, is this the start of things changing for the worse?’, just stuff like that.
i’ve been to therapy, i worked out why i felt this way all the time (a mix of bullying and exclusion within my friendship groups as a child) and i managed to completely erase that from the platonic relationships in my life which is why i finally felt ready for a romantic relationship, but the last couple of days i’ve felt it happening to me again. i really like him and i don’t want this issue that i have to jeopardise things. i don’t want to be the sort of person who’s constantly seeking reassurance because it doesn’t feel good. even if it works temporarily, it’s undoubtedly a chore for the other person PLUS my mind doesn’t even let that reassurance be enough anyway because then i would start to have thoughts like ‘is he only saying this because i asked and he’s telling me what i want to hear?’
i was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to stop overanalysing things so much and be able to self-soothe and self-reassure and feel confident again that if there was a problem i would be told.