u/Coorawatha

My roommate and I have a rolling contract. 3 months notice. Initially I was planning on moving out. I told her 3 and half months out that I would probably be moving around X date. She then told me that she would actually also just move out and move into her partners place - she did this in writing too. That was a week ago.

My circumstances changed and I no longer need to move. We hadn’t given any notice to the landlord or anything. So I told my roommate that I would probably actually stay and we can just continue on the lease as normal if she wants or she can continue her plans and move out with her partner - it’s up to her. I’ll just back fill the room if she decides she wants to move out it’s not a big deal.

It turns out she has actually told her partner he can move into our place in 3 months and he has already gone and found someone to fill his room in his place.

She’s now claiming I’m in the wrong, yet she clearly indicated she was moving out and made no indication of her change of plans. She only told me after I told her my plans changed. I get that my plans also changed, but surely you can’t just fill the other persons spot without their permission like that, even if I was the one who initiated the discussion of moving out.

I spoke to a real estate agent today who offered to drive me around to viewings for an hour tomorrow in London. Given the current market and how quickly things are being taken, I found this a bit suspicious in that maybe they use the hour to show you what they can’t rent out. It just seems a bit odd given that the current London market has properties with multiple offers on them.

Does anyone have any experience with this in the past? Did it work or is it most likely a waste of time?

I would have to step out of work for a couple of hours to do it.

TLDR: roommate with anxiety issues got a boyfriend and ignored common courtesy with me and is now claiming to people she’s going to therapy as I’m so painful to live because I didn’t want her boyfriend over a lot.

———

For context, my roommate (27F) has long had an issue with anxiety and self confidence. It became apparent to me early on as I saw her emotions unfold with regards to dating - she would be short tempered and emotionally volatile whenever she started dating someone new and if they ended it with her she would be in full blown tears. I’m not talking long term dating, I’m talking 1-2 dates and this was happening every month.

I think the problem I had here was that I was often the one she would let it out on. She would yell at me and start crying over nothing. On one occasion my dog had been put down the night before and the next day she was yelling at me for being a “know it all” (all because I said “I reckon X is going to be eliminated tonight” while we were watching a reality show).

If you ever complained about something little she would just start crying and yelling and saying how unfair it was.

I also had a bit of a problem (although given the above it wasn’t worth bringing up) with how she treated me when she was dating these men. She would pretty much ignore basic courtesy. She would wake me up early/late talking to them in our apartment, use our small kitchen/living (merged) room for our dates without telling me and let them use the shower/kitchen when I was trying to use it in the morning (she would often still be asleep).

Fast forward a bit and she got a boyfriend. Within the first month of them dating she was bringing him over 3 times a week and they’d just hang out in our kitchen/living room. They’d essentially ignore me and kick me out of that space.

I felt that I need to stamp my foot down a bit on this so basically said I didn’t think he should be over more than 2x per week and that she needed to let me know if they were planning on using the shared space. She, unsurprisingly got all upset about it but agreed to the rules.

I now pretty much try to avoid her if i can - I can tell she just resents me and thinks I’m this incredibly hard to live with person because of the rules I came up with. When she asks me questions, I’m also a bit blunt/short as I tbh am a bit scared she’s gonna get upset/angry.

The main problem I have is with how she’s going about this now. She’s telling our friends and neighbours that I’m essentially so painful to live with she’s having to have therapy to manage it. I tend to not tell people who know her what’s going on, to keep them out of it. I have handed in my notice to leave in 3 months but it’s making me feel awful that everyone now thinks I’m a sociopath. I feel like she’s made me feel unwelcome in my own home and now portrays to everyone that she’s putting up with me.