For starters, I am still a high schooler so any criticism, please keep constructive rather than negative, thank you. (And yes, I am using fake names)
Context:
I, (16F) met Ella, (16F) in the first grade. She and I have been through nearly everything together, and have never split ways, even when she moved for two years and we hardly spoke (we still remained in contact and when she eventually moved back everything went back to normal). I love this girl with my entire life and see her as the sister I never got to have growing up. 9 months ago, I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend, Liam (16M) and the following month, she got into her current relationship with Noah, (16M). Unfortunately, me and Liam are long distance as I met him in a different state while I was on summer vacation.
okay so,
I will be honest, in the beginning I thought it was going to be amazing because it was the first time her and I have ever had a boyfriend at the same time. They could go off and do whatever as a couple, and later at night or when they’re not around her and I could sit and gossip about our relationships, how amazing its been, you know, little things that female friends do when both have their person. Have balance. Well, big incorrect buzzer.
In the beginning of Ella and Noahs relationship, Noah felt threatened by me, assuming I liked Ella, and he refused to allow me to speak to her. If I was having a conversation, all the sudden he “needed a kiss” or “needed a hug facing away from me”. Now, at this time I thought it was kinda weird, but two months or so in, he finally gave it up as it became very apparent I had my own boyfriend. Now, I kind of brushed it off because I assumed it was the “honeymoon phase” and it would wear off, and for the most part it did, but in other aspects it kind of worsened as well.
As Noah and Ellas relationship deepened, our friendship grew more shallow. I would get pushed out of conversations, plans would get canceled, and daily texting went down to being left on delivered or read for weeks, if not months. Of course, I tried putting it into perspective of understanding as I do have my own boyfriend and there are certain habits I would drop for him, however, never friends. Anyways, up until 2-3 months ago it was all very small things, but all things that began to stack, and eventually became larger.
Before January, Ellas mom would take both of us home as my house was on the way, and she loved me anyways. Shortly after our winter break, she requested that Ella and I began walking home as work usually gets busier around holidays and summer. It not being that much of a walk, we agreed. Since my house was on the way, and we went to school together, I would wait on her to start walking. Something small, is her last class is upstairs, therefore I understand some hold up. However, it went from a two minute wait, to a ten to fifteen minute wait. In that time, she’s hugging and kissing her boyfriend, who still walks down the stairs with her, and says goodbye at the gate, so the extra time she took saying “goodbye” frustrated me, and when I would say something, she would reply with “it’s not that serious” or sometimes even deny the time.
I texted my boyfriend, requesting advice, and he said “I mean I would drop everyone and everything for you if I could.” Which made me believe maybe I was overreacting. So, I attempted to brush it aside.
As of March, Noah began walking us all the way to my neighborhood as that was our “splitting point”. Yet, I would still wait somedays for them to cuddle all the way down the stairs. This brought even more anger, because at this point, the only time me and Ella ever talk anymore was our walks home, and then he came and took that too. She was so focused on him every second of the day, it felt suffocating to be around them. The worst part is, shes been in relationships before, yet she always had managed some time for me, no matter how “clingy” the guy was. So the sudden shift of imbalance was truly odd and a little hurtful.
Anyways huge time skip to last weekend to now (so sorry its 22:30 and I have exams tomorrow) we had practice testing on saturday for preparation for our exams all week this week. For starters, we had freedom to sit wherever, and I was there before either of them. I sat kind of close to the front, but against a wall so I was easy to spot. Noah came in, made eye contact with me, and sat on the complete opposite side of the room. I get it, itd be kind of weird if he sat next to me, but seriously? Not even a space apart so she could sit between us? Anywho, shortly after Ella walked in, saw me, said hi, then walked over to Noah. She asked about seating arrangement, to which he told her was “free will” and she sat there. Didn’t ask me to come over like she would have if it were any other person. But whatever, its a practice exam, who cares. Fast forward to afterwards, we all head outside and start talking, and Noah goes to his car, and puts his backpack in there. He then texted her (she literally said “why is he texting me”) and she looked at me, said “im gonna go over there real quick, i will be right back.” Cool, whatever. A few minutes go by, neither of them are back, just for me to look up, and see her get in the car with him. No word, no text, nothing. Just left. Idk about anyone else here, but i would personally wait until my friends ride was there before just getting in my/my boyfriend’s car and leaving? Later in this week, it continued and I just feel like her not knowing balance between friendships and her relationship is killing us, and it feels unfair to me in a way. Other friends say im being selfish because she’s finally happy, but I literally balance her and Liam? And before people say “its different you guys are long distance” I have friends where I met Liam, as I go there EVERY Summer, and i still balance two and two.
This is also kind of unrelated but ever since Noah and Ella got together, Ellas been acting way off. Shes SUPER religious, and told Noah she refuses to date someone whos not (spoiler alert, he’s atheist) and ever since they got together, she stopped going to church. She started cursing more, going against morals, and to top it all off, she started lying to her mom. Her mom thinks the rides shes getting are from our mutual FEMALE friend, not alone with her boyfriend her mom doesn’t even let her kiss.
Idk, be honest please, because separation lurks in my mind a lot because its so draining trying for a friend who could care less about you next to her boyfriend, but I want to make sure Im not crazy. AIO?