u/Cool-Stretch-473

My bf flips conversations that I’m trying to have with him about taking accountability for fights, and says I’m starting a fight. He rarely has the capacity to see that he has started loads of fights. He will argue with me about sometimes things I didn’t even say and while I’m trying to defend myself, he stonewalls me and says I’m just arguing with myself. He thinks that everything can be a debate, and has significant difficulty understanding the concept that the version he saw in his head is HIS opinion and not necessary everyone else’s reality. He definitely has trauma from growing up with a narcissistic dad and I know tries constantly to not do things that his dad did - he doesn’t want to be anything like him. And yet, I find myself constantly questioning my own reality, defending my words, and having texts be dissected for grammar or a single word bc idk - maybe he’s overwhelmed and this is his defense? The thing is, I deeply don’t think he does this on purpose. I don’t think he’s trying to control me. I think these are self defense mechanisms that maybe he can’t even see, and also some of them are accidentally narcissistic? I’m just trying to understand!