I wanted to add onto my last post a bit. TLDR my ex abruptly left me and moved all of her things out of our apartment while I was at work. I came home to nothing but a note that said “I’m sorry it had to be this way, but I’m unhappy in this relationship. I love you but I’m sorry.” This came out of nowhere but I am guessing it happened because I told her the night before that I had considered leaving her (but said I decided not to) because of her sudden outbursts in the past and attempts to discard me. It made her cry and she told me she felt like a horrible person and showed remorse. Just to leave me without a word the next day. My question is she going to try to come back? It’s been two weeks and I’ve heard nothing. She said she loved me in the note, which seems strange considering she did this to me.
u/ConversationOk3828
I’ve been with this girl for nearly three years, lived together for two. I wouldn’t call it perfect but I was happy with her. We had a few issues in the last few months where she would suddenly blow up on me and tell me every issue she had with me instead of talking it through beforehand. Those times she said she would leave me but I begged her to talk it out. It would get resolved after a few hours of talking and then happen again a month or two later. It first happened in December, then March, and now this current issue happened in April. I have brought it up a few times after she snapped that I feared that she would do it again (which she did). She always reassured me and expressed the same fear of abandonment. She was always worried about the same thing. She was always asking me if I hated her and told me (days before she would end up leaving) that she was scared I would wake up one day and realized I hated her. She was always remorseful days after she tries to leave me. She would cry and say she felt like a horrible person/girlfriend. Sometimes she would cry over small things. Then, about two weeks ago, I had expressed that I had considered leaving her because I didn’t want to be hurt again. I told her about the things she did that hurt me but I ultimately decided not to because I loved her and believed we could overcome it. She cried and once again expressed that she felt like a horrible person. We talked it out a bit and then went to bed. Then, the next day we wake up and say good morning. Everything seems fine. We go to work and text each other a few times throughout the day. Then, out of the blue she apologizes and tells me she’s sorry it has to be this way and blocks me on nearly everything. I get home to see she has moved all of her stuff out and find a note telling me once again that she is sorry and isn’t happy with me anymore and that she’s moving back home. And that she loves me. It’s been two weeks since then. She’s on tinder now.
I’m devastated. I keep blaming myself. I don’t know if she has BPD, but it sounds like it from what I’ve read. She was always super loving and was extremely clingy and we had almost no issues for years. She has told me in the past she thinks she has it. I’ve never done anything to damage the relationship. I’m far from perfect, but I feel like I’ve never done anything to warrant this. I am willing to answer any question to help find some answers. I feel like I’ve left out a lot of details to keep this short enough but I hope someone has some insight.
I’m wondering:
Does she feel bad for doing this to me like she always has? How can she do this to me if she was so worried about me abandoning her?
Is she genuinely trying to find someone else on tinder? Is she over me? She has very low libido so I don’t know if she is trying to hook up with someone else or not.
Is she going to ever reach back out to me? Is she going to try to come back? I can’t do it again if she doesn’t get therapy, but I never got to say goodbye or even hug her. It hurts.
Did she “split”? Is this even BPD or am I losing my mind? She told me she loved me in her note and was remorseful, so I’m confused. Am I in the wrong place?
Anything will help. Thank you.