u/Control-Specific

I had a possible exposure event on Thursday night and needed PEP. I won’t go into the detail of it here, not least because it’s irrelevant to the post but I also don’t want people moralising. If people are that interested, they can probably figure it out from my post on another subreddit. Anyway, I behaved like an idiot. I am angry and disgusted with myself.

Anyway, it might be that my account of accessing PEP in the UK is helpful to others. I started with Dr Google and ChatGPT, both of which suggested that I should be assessed for PEP. I then rang NHS 111. The person I spoke to arrived at the same conclusion and sent me to a walk-in clinic about 10 miles away. No problem. I went, head hung in shame. I waited about an hour and was called in by the triage nurse, who took my BP and said she needed to check if they actually have any PEP. She said that somebody else had been in the week prior and had waited hours, only to discover that they didn’t have PEP or anybody who could prescribe it. A couple of minutes later, she came back and confirmed they didn’t have PEP and I’d have to go to the sexual health clinic the following day (it was 11pm at this point).

I went to my local sexual health clinic the following morning and spoke to reception. I was initially told that they had no appointments available and weren’t running a walk-in service that day, so I’d have to come back on Monday. This would obviously take me well beyond 72 hours and, because I’d done some research, I knew this. I gently pushed back and said there’s no point and that it would be too late by then. She made enquiries with a nurse who asked me to come back at 1:30pm when I would be seen.

I came back as asked and was seen promptly by a doctor. This doctor was so lovely. I was deeply ashamed and I openly castigated myself for my behaviour. I said that I deserve whatever consequences follow, frankly, and I deserve to be anxious about the prospect of contracting something. It is in my mind just desserts for my behaviour. She was really quite compassionate. I don’t know why but I expected to be treated like some sort of deviant but it was quite the opposite. She took a short history from me and said she wanted to prescribe PEP. I had a rapid HIV test, blood tests and a Hep B vaccination. The whole process was pretty painless. I’m two doses into the PEP and, so far, no real side effects. I feel a bit funky about 2-3 hours after taking each dose, with a very mild headache that disappears quite quickly, but that’s all so far. I do tolerate all manner of drugs quite well and it’s pretty rare for things like antibiotics or painkillers to cause me any trouble.

My takeaways:

1. The NHS prescribing guidelines would suggest that my exposure (unprotected insertive vaginal sex) is not of sufficiently high risk to warrant PEP but my experience is quite clearly that clinicians have some discretion based on the circumstances of the exposure. Had I just assumed that I wouldn’t be prescribed PEP based on the guidelines, I would have missed the opportunity.

2. I did need to advocate for myself when dealing with reception staff. Had I said “okay, I’ll come back on Monday”, it would have been far too late to start PEP. That’s probably a training point for reception staff. PEP = emergency.

3. I was treated with a level of dignity and compassion that was surprising and, actually, quite touching. I was not made to feel like some reprobate or a burden. It’s really not that bad.

A bit of background: I’ve had problems with this addiction for 6-7 years and started going to SAA meetings back in January 2025. I didn’t work the steps but I found it comforting and validating to know that I wasn’t alone and that there was a supportive and safe place available to me locally. I stopped going in the summer of last year for various reasons but I’d reduced my problematic behaviour quite significantly. I was still acting out from time to time but I had a healthier attitude towards slips and I was able to maintain 1-2 months of sobriety quite easily. That was a huge improvement.

Fast forward to May 2026, all is good. No slips or acting out at all in 2026. I’ve been in a relationship for nearly five years. My partner knows nothing about any of this and we don’t get live together, though we plan to move in together in the next few months. I wanted to get my behaviour under control first. It was stopping me fully committing and I’ve always been worried about exposing them to harm through my own behaviour. I have been as careful as possible in this respect until a couple of nights ago. I won’t share the details for obvious reasons but what I did was reckless and beyond idiotic. I spent the following afternoon at a clinic getting PEP and being poked and prodded. The staff were fantastic, in fairness, and treated me with more compassion and dignity than I felt I deserved. I was expecting to be treated like some sort of deviant.

I’ve learnt a lot about my triggers in the last year or so and I have a better understanding of what prompts me to act out. I’ve also had a very recent ADHD diagnosis which, I think, explains a lot about how I function. I’m not too anxiety-ridden at the moment and I’m not spiralling. I was angry at myself. Furious, actually. But I dealt with things rationally and calmly. My priority is protecting my partner, hence the visit to the clinic and the PEP. When I was at my worst, I would walk away from high-risk encounters and shrug my shoulders, not caring much or at all about the consequences - that was back when I was single and in a very bad place. I still don’t really care about the biological consequences for me personally. My view is that I deserve whatever infectious evil comes my way but my partner absolutely does not!

I’m just so frustrated that I put myself in a position where I was having a high-risk encounter. It’s maddening. I have acted out in recent years, yes, but not in such a high-risk way. I’m baffled as to how or why I did that in the moment. It’s frightening, really.