26 (F) dating a 31 (M) have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for around 1.5 years, and I’m genuinely confused about whether this relationship is sustainable long term or if I’m ignoring major incompatibilities.
When we started dating, he was extremely introverted, socially anxious, and honestly very disconnected from people socially. He’s the type of person who mostly stayed in his room studying all day, very nerdy, very sheltered, not emotionally expressive at all.
In the beginning, he barely used to talk to me on calls. Even basic communication had to be pushed by me. I had to constantly encourage him to text me, call me, video call me, open up, communicate normally, etc. Over time he improved, but only because I kept pushing for it.
The biggest thing was meeting in person. Even after 1.5 years of dating, he still wasn’t ready to meet me because he was comfortable staying in his own space and routine. I had to strongly push and emotionally convince him for a long time before he finally came to meet me. And once he met me, he acted like it was “so normal” and not a big deal.
That’s when a fear started growing in my mind:
If I marry this man, will I have to push him for every single thing in life forever?
Because even now, whenever we’re together, he rarely takes initiative naturally. Whether it’s planning something, doing thoughtful things, emotional reassurance, romance, or even basic masculine energy — it feels like I have to lead everything. Over time this has started affecting my attraction towards him too, including sexually. I feel more frustration than excitement sometimes because I constantly feel like I’m dragging the relationship forward alone.
Another issue is emotional availability. Whenever I share my problems or emotions, he becomes visibly uncomfortable. It almost feels like he doesn’t know how to emotionally hold space for another person. Sometimes he reacts as if he wonders why I’m even sharing these things with him. I know part of it may come from lack of experience or emotional maturity, but it still leaves me feeling emotionally alone.
Also, whenever he comes to visit me, he keeps mentioning how much money he had to spend to meet me, which makes me feel guilty instead of cared for. But when I go to meet him, I don’t really feel cherished either. There’s very little effort, thoughtfulness, or chivalry from his side. Not even small things that make a woman feel emotionally special.
I’m genuinely confused:
Is this just his personality and something that will never change?
Or can people like this actually grow into emotionally available, proactive partners over time?
I care about him a lot because he’s not a bad person at all. He’s simple, loyal, and harmless. But I’m scared that if I marry him, I’ll spend my whole life emotionally leading a man who never naturally meets me halfway.
Has anyone experienced something similar?