I feel like I don't know who I am anymore
I turned 30 a few months ago and spent the entirety of my 20s high on something. Started with weed, then 4 years of any prescription I could get my doc to prescribe (mainly adderall), then 2 years of kratom, and finally 2.5 years of 7OH. I'd have a few weeks each year where I was sober because I always sobered up for a trip I'd take my family on - since I started a family young, built a successful career, and always showed up for them... it's just it was so easy to do while I was artificially happy. And trips were easy because I was in a new cool place that kept me distracted. I got on the kratom to be "sober" but didn't like it so found 7OH and called myself "sober" but all of us here know that isn't true. I stopped 7OH because it was controlling my life. I'd plan my weeks around my usage as I always made sure I didn't take anything if I had to drive or go somewhere in 2 hours. I planned everything I did to make sure I was still getting my 5 doses each day unless there was absolutely no way to avoid skipping a dose. It was ruining me mentally and I started to feel more flat inside and like I hated how I felt when I'd take it. But I digress I am sure many of you know how that goes.
Now I am 30, I just quit 7OH Saturday (the physical part is over), and a month or so ago I quit nicotine, so I am literally off everything and quite honestly I am terrified. I don't know who I am anymore. My entire adult life has been spent high. I haven't maintained a single friendship aside from my wife. The only friend I have is someone I text or who may call me a couple times a year. I don't even know what I like to do aside from get high and do things with my family. Even anytime my wife would go to a friends activity and invite me to come I'd decline so I could stay at home and be high and chill with my kiddo. I am rambling. I just don't know what to do with myself and I am scared.