Throwaway (for obvious reasons)
I am a trans male (pre transition), and I've come to realize there is no hope for me look wise. I have a long philtrum, recessed chin, bumpy nose, face fat, and blotchy skin, and my body is not very attractive either. The only way to fix this is through surgery or makeup, which would mean pretending to be someone I am not. I pride myself in looking cute and feminine, but i realize with how rough my face is that it is unachievable. Going on T will further butcher my face and already rough skin. I blame my ancestors, I feel mad at them for ever deciding to have kids, I mainly blame my father because I got my features from him.
I could get surgery or do makeup, but that would mean lying to those around me. If I ever get married, I don't want my partner waking up to a jumpscare or having children only for them to turn out ugly. My appearance also motivates me to get permanently sterilized so I don't risk genetically screwing over my hypothetical children. Someone like me does not deserve to procreate.
I don't believe I will ever find love, considering I have a very specific type, which I would assume is attracted to more feminine looking cis women. I just wish for it to be over. I hate how unfair it all is.
And I've heard people say that personality is all that matters, but that is the problem, I have a very rancid one. The only way I can compensate for it is if I look good so knowing I don't even have that, than I have nothing. My whole personality is fake, molded by years of having to compensate for my unpleasant appearance so to find out I can't "grow out of" looking like this has made me give up on life completely.
What doesn't help is that I am also what most would concider "cringe". Nowadays people will brush over someone's actions only to pick on their appearance. So many bad people get away with their actions only because they look good meanwhile ugly people (especially unconventional or queer looking ones) will get dragged to hell and back for daring to act a little cringe.
At this rate we will never reach progress or peace with how poorly we treat each other.