Feeling discarded
I’ve been venting about this literally since middle school. I always feel like a floater friend or just the filler one. I make everyone laugh and that’s it, and everyone thinks I’m so much more confrontational/confident/assertive than I am. I’ve never been my best friend’s friend ever, every time I feel as if someone is my best friend they do/say something that shows that they don’t see me the same. I’ve had people ask my “best friend” who’s their closest friend that they could never get rid of and they say someone else’s name. I’ve had close friends essentially make out hangouts the “pit stop” before they go to the “main” hangout, so the entire time we hangout they are checking the time. All my relationships have ended because they’ve cheated on me or realized they aren’t ready for a relationship or just don’t think we match. Which I’m not upset about not being compatible, it just stings a little because it happens so often. It leads me to think wtf can I be doing so wrong? Obviously there’s a common denominator and it’s me, I know there’s probably some work I can do on myself. It just hurts because I feel like I can never get it right. No matter how well I think the relationship (platonic or romantic) is going shit hits the fan and I’m back at square one. I just feel so alone bc I feel like everyone has their people or their person, and I just have myself. The past couple years I’ve felt like I’ve made huge progress with my self-confidence and not allowing friendships to reach that point of feeling second rate. But recently my current closest friend has been slowly pushing me away, and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! I’m just so tired having these juvenile problems at this age. I’m in my early 20s for context. I’m just so tired of having to rely on myself for everything, I just want someone that gets me and likes me as much as I like them. Just ugh! I’m so tired.