In that I’m just not able to.
Girl I’m currently seeing is literally perfect. She’s everything I could want. She plays the same instrument as me. Our pillow talk is about Freddie Gibbs and Westside Gunn. She likes my food I make. She’s affectionate. She’s BEAUTIFUL. She thinks I’m handsome. She does favors for me. She’s literally everything I want on paper.
But I’m just not in love. I thought I might be for maybe a day after the first time we slept together, but I’m just not. And I feel like an asshole! I’m the worst! I’m with the best girl on the planet and I just can’t fall in love with her. This has happened with previous girls.
I don’t get what’s wrong with me. I pined for this girl HARD. I wanted her bad. And the moment I got her, I just lost it. I feel horrible. She doesn’t deserve this.
Admittedly, we’re in a short term relationship. We’re both about to graduate college, move to different cities for work, and we’ve talked numerous times about how we’ll be done after graduation. This isn’t, and was never going to be, a long term thing, but it still blows. She’s also not in love with me, so maybe it’s nothing, but idk. I wish I was.
Chicken pot pie from Anthony Bourdain’s “Appetites”. Crust was a bit too thick. Carrots weren’t cooked through enough. Roux could’ve been more dense. Otherwise really happy with it. I’m gonna make it again tomorrow night so hopefully then I can really make it something great.