u/ConsistentExtent6398

I’ve had very intense OCD for most of my life. The biggest issue for me has often been identifying actual symptom. It wasn’t until very recently that I recognized what ROCD is.

Anyways, I met a girl in high school and started developing really strong romantic feelings for her. We became pretty close friends over the years and grew a lot closer during high school. This is where problems started to show up.

Whenever I wouldn’t hear from her for a while I would send long texts asking if I was being a good friend or did something wrong. She would reassure me and things would subside for a while but eventually I’d check again. It’s gotten to the point where it’s really impacted our relationship and I barely hear from her anymore. I feel like it might be too late but it’s only now that I’m really recognizing that these urges were just another ugly OCD manifestation.

I sometimes look back at our old texts and just genuinely miss her so much. We used to get along so well but I really ruined it. I hear from maybe once every couple months now.

We just graduated college and I’m genuinely scared I’ll never see my best friend again. I love this girl so much and I just wish things could go back to before. She’s always been one of the best parts of my life and I let this horrible illness get the best of me. It’s really hard to sit with and I don’t know how to fix things anymore.