Can’t think of the right flair so sh*t happens na lang.
Basically, as the title says. Moved on na sana kaso nagrelapse pa.
I have an ex from a long time ago. The breakup was super messy. May third party involved sa part nya (na may karelasyon din at the time).
It was chaos. After the breakup when the dust settled, the girl befriended me. I was naïve and always believed the good in people. Yon pala ginawa nya yon, only to do sh*t behind my back once I let my guard down. (Won’t detail it na for anonymity)
Fast forward to 1 yr after the breakup, my ex reached out to apologize. I told him to fuck off. Tbh nun mga panahon na to, di pa ako fully recovered from what happened.
A year after that, he reached out again to apologize. Di na ako galit pero I declined the friendship.
On and off, he tried to reach out to apologize to me. Every single time, I tell him to leave me alone.
8yrs since the breakup, he reached out to me again. This time, I noticed he somehow matured already and I guess napatawad ko na sya (matagal na) and I know sincere naman sya so ayun. We became friends somewhat.
On and off chats for a few yrs and then he went back to Ph and we reconnected.
At ayun na nga, relapse ang auntie nyo. Not like right away, but the more I spend time with this person, the more na parang nagre-reawaken yun feelings.
One convo that we had a few weeks ago stuck with me. We were talking about relationships and pagbabarko and nabanggit ko na I was told by a friend na nagwowork sa barko kung gaano ka-ralamak yun cheating ng mga nagbabarko. Even si friend mismo, then I asked him if sya ba gets cheated on, papatawarin nya ba yon girl?
I wasn’t asking it because of our history, napunta lang dun flow ng usapan. And then he said to me, oo patawarin nya daw lalo pag mahal nya. Sabay sabi sakin na ikaw nga diba napatawad mo pa ako.
Dun ako nagulat and realized wtf did I just ask 😂 Siguro subconscious ko yun noh.
Anyway, yon reaction ko when he said that medyo nagulat and sabi ko na lang na yes pero it took me yeaaars before ko sya napatawad and syempre yon trust issues medyo andun pa din.
So here I am now, contemplating if I should still go with this flow or exit na. Honestly, kahit nakikita ko naman na he’s a better person now, minsan naiisip ko. Why now, why me?
Before this, sa totoo lang I’ve already given up on dating haha. I’ve tried dating a couple of years back, but as a converted introvert talaga mahirap na for me (I used to be an extrovert lol). Depression hit me and I was never the same kaya now super pili na lang mga taong kinakausap ko at sinasamahan ko. My circle of friends got smaller pero mas okay.
Hay. Ayun. Kapag talaga hindi ka naghahanap, may dumarating noh.