Every single one I’ve used eventually stops tracking, and then goes downhill from there. Are there any that actually consistently track? Every time I use these apps and they start tracking less, I move on to a new one. But I think I’ve finally run out of apps to use.
No matter how close we are. No matter how much of a connection we have. No matter how much we talk. No matter how much we have in common. My life has been a nonstop repeating pattern of me getting super close to people, just for them to find any and every excuse to drop me from their life once it’s convenient for them.
I’m not a perfect person. I can take things too far with the things that I say, and I can hold a grudge at times. (Which I wouldn’t do if any of my friends had just owned up to the things they did to me) But I take accountability. I apologize when I should, and I don’t just let go of people easily. I try to make my friendships work, but they never do.
I honestly just avoid Facebook most of the time now, because I’m constantly bombarded with people in my age group that have their own long term friend groups. It’s especially painful seeing people I went to school with. That I was either friends with, or at least cool with. Some of which I’ve tried to hang out with, but they don’t really seem to have any interest.
I’ve tried to become okay with the fact that I don’t really have any friends. But deep down, I’m not. I never get the same energy I give in friendships. I can’t help but feel like anyone reading my post will assume since the common denominator is me, I must be the problem. But I wish I at least knew what I was doing wrong.
And none of my friends have ever actually taken accountability for the things they’ve done to me. But I always took accountability for the things I’ve done. Yet it seems like if I make a mistake, they were quick to remove me from their life.
It’s to the point that I don’t bother to even try to make any new friends, because it always ends up the same way anyways. And let’s be honest, even the nicest people can be put off by people with no actual social life. The “friends” that I do have, are either online friends or people that see me maybe a few times a year, at most.
It sucks. Rant over.