I've been with my wife 18 years, married 5.
We've been through a huge amount together.
Somewhere along the line, I developed an addiction which has gone on unrecognized for a long time. I became self aware end of last year.
I admit now in hindsight, it took a great toll on our marriage. Her low self esteem pushed her to seek validation through others. At the time I couldnt understand why she would do it. I know nothing excuses infidelity, butI now accept I had a part to play in how it came about. I trust her that they were spontaneous, and were not ongoing.
Coming clean and talking to her about it, she seemed ok to start but things quickly spiraled as the dots were connected. The last 6 months have been a constant back and forth of changing emotions for both of us and we are hanging on by a tether. We have both been doing individual and couples councelling, but we keep hitting a dead end. The one thing that had been going good, contrary to what you would think, was out sexual connection. Being open had brought us together there. Unfortunately, things there have turned due to her self image issues.
She had those since before we got together, but they were not so much of an issue for most of our relationship. I know Ive caused them to resurface.
I guess in short, I know we both had parted to play in our messed up relationship.I take full accountability for my actions, and forgive her for hers.
Other than the obvious of kicking the addiction, what can I do to be the husband I should have been? How do I build her back up? How can I make her content again?