AITAH for being upset on Mother’s Day
To start off I think it’s important that I state, I am not a materialistic person. I (32F) have worked many mothers days, had my husband (32m) work, and am really used to not making a big deal of the holiday because life gets in the way and we have 3 kids that keep us busy.
To give some context, 3 years ago I had a medical emergency that caused me to be hospitalized for 3 days starting the day before Mother’s Day. My mother in law flew out to help my husband with the kids as we had a six week old baby and husband is a first responder who was going to need help with the kids. I was really grateful that he got help because I actually delayed going to the hospital for days because I was concerned it would be an inconvenience to him and he was visibly frustrated and upset any time I showed interest in going. (He has since apologized for the way he acted when I clearly was in unimaginable pain.) however the thing that really bothered me was the fact that on Mother’s Day, they came to see me for maybe a total of an hour for the entire day of Mother’s Day. They brought the kids and gifts, but all I wanted was to have some company, especially on that day of all days. I didn’t make a big deal of it but told him I wish we could be together and to that he told me he didn’t like keeping the kids at the hospital and that he might as well take his mom out for coming to help. I was hurt but understood and figured I had fought enough battles and it just wasn’t worth my energy.
Fast forward to today. My mother in law is out visiting due to a tough time she was having at home due to a strained relationship. We had minimal notice before she booked her flight and didn’t really have any time to plan to take time off or anything like that. For today we got my mil something she was really excited for and my husband got me a really kind and generous gift. He was excited to show me and I was really grateful for it. He is working night shifts for right now, 6pm-6:30am. He worked the night before Mother’s Day meaning he would be sleeping until at least 12-2ish Mother’s Day. That is totally to be expected and I encouraged him to get plenty of rest. It wasn’t a big deal at all. He also works tonight as well which I totally understand and again, this is the life style we signed up for so it is what it is. I maybe got an hour of quality time with him today.
I had hoped I could drive down and eat out with him for dinner, include my mother in law and kids and all celebrate at dinner together. Unfortunately he said it wouldn’t work well tonight because of some work matters he has to tend to that were left from the night before. Work has been really chaotic for him and I don’t want to add to the stress. He then asked me if I was working tomorrow night. That is the only night shift I work next week. When I told him that I am he said that he would just take his mom out then for Mother’s Day. I felt so hurt. I’m not materialistic. I don’t need gifts. I just want to feel important to him and this left me feeling absolutely worthless. I felt all of the old wounds rushing back from the last time his mom was visiting. I love my husband and he is a great husband and father. But for some reason this infuriated him. He saw and heard my disappointment and became angry and short with me. I asked him if he could just wait for me to go with on Tuesday so we could all go. He then went on the defensive and said “I’m not supposed to eat dinner?” We never eat out unless we are celebrating something or just completely too tired to cook. After that he stormed off to work.
He did not speak to me the rest of the day other than to confirm he could take our daughter to a lesson some time tomorrow. I feel so alone. I was left to make dinner for my mother in law on Mother’s Day, mentioned to her that he would take her out tomorrow night while I work. She simply responded “oh I didn’t know he was planning to take me out”. For me I am just thinking how do you not see an issue with this. I get that he should be able to celebrate his mom, but why isn’t the solution to just wait until Tuesday when we can all be there? Honestly if there was never any mention of anyone being taken to dinner I would have had nothing to be sad about. But the fact he felt he needed to take her out and planned to do it weather I could be there or not is what really got to me. So that leaves me to wonder, am I being overly sensitive? Am I the asshole here?