Really just need a second opinion on this cause it’s been on my mind all day and I can’t focus because of what my dad said. For reference, im 21M while writing this.
basically my parents divorced when i was around 4 years old, so understandably I didn’t really catch a lot of the details. all I ever truly understood was it was ugly, like really ugly, and mom adamantly never wanted to speak to dad unless it was about me and my sister or about court proceedings. My dad has always been a talker, so this would really upset him when she would simply refuse to talk to him whenever they would do our week to week custody hand offs when I was growing up, or really when he’d try to talk about anything unnecessary whatsoever. He would even get me or my sister to ask her whenever we would go over about “mommy why don’t you talk to daddy?” when we would go to her house for the week, multiple times I remember doing that.
This brings us to this last weekend.
I’ve been living with dad for roughly a year now, and just this weekend we went to visit my sister for her graduation ceremony from college. I flew with my dad, and my mother and some family flew in separately with plans to help my sister move back in with them at their house out of state.
sister has been staying with a mutual family friend that mom’s family and dad’s family have been close with ever since my sister and their daughter were best friends in middle school, so dad decided he would stay there with my sister and was staying in the guest room since they had a spare bed and said it would be okay. Mom’s side of the family stayed at a hotel down the road and booked a room for me, so i stayed with them.
The day after the graduation ceremony, my mom, aunt, stepfather, grandfather and I all went over to the mutual family friend’s house to help my sister pack, and naturally my father was there as well.
While mom’s side of the fam and me started ferrying out boxes to the truck, there was a brief moment where my dad had come outside to the driveway and came to talk to me. while he did, my mother and aunt came out of the house with more stuff to pack in. my dad saw mom and said “hey jane” to my mother, who rolled her eyes and ignored what he said to continue packing. dad then acknowledged my aunt who similarly did not remark back to him. He did briefly speak with my stepfather and my grandfather, but that was about the end of it. The day then kept going, and after they finished packing the sister’s stuff, I stayed at the house so I could catch my flight with dad back up north. Our family friend drove us to the airport, and dad and I arrived back later that night
Then, on the drive home at 10:00 pm, dad starts talking with me and is seriously upset that my mother still refuses to talk to him, asking me things like “she really hates me doesn’t she?” and “im already dead to her aren’t I?” or “why can’t she move on after 15 years of being divorced? I paid all her bills, paid off all the child support.” he keeps going, “how can someone have so much contempt for a person they had children with after all these years? I mean it’s sociopathic.” he keeps going and going, clearly showing he hasn’t resolved himself of contempt for her either, as he is quite angry recounting all of this. He finally says to me, “I just want you to objectively look at her behavior and recognize it’s not normal. How can you just block someone out of your life and never talk to them again, just ‘thats it you’re dead to me’? someone that you had a life with?”
There were some more aspects to the conversation I’ve left out, but my question is mostly about what I’ve included here. Is it really that weird, sociopathic even, that my mother wouldn’t want to speak to my father even still after all these years? they both have their own separate lives and have remarried, and have no more court proceedings to deal with; but my father seems to think its completely insane that she still would not like to speak with him even after all of that.
So knowing this, what do you think? Is this really that big of a deal that my mother refuses to speak with my father? Am I just as crazy for not really blaming her for it?
whatever it is, thanks for reading. I really just needed to get this off my chest.