.. what should i do? Am i in the wrong?
Okay for context, basically i used to have a girlfriend lets call her iv. Since i dont wanna exactly drop her name fully lets just call her that.
Basically me and iv used to be best friends.
I wanted and used to need friends back them cause of how friendless i was and everyone i had always had someone else. I scrolled around a bit on tiktok lookin for someone, anyone. Usually people go on bmf videos but i just clicked on a random profile that piqued my interest.
Was a solid profile pretty cute with over 1000 followers yet no posts. So i tried for them.
When i texted them the reply wasnt immediate but they did reply with a hi. So we talked for a few days i found them pretty sweet yeah? Really sweet. We became friends for two months before i confessed. I started to gain feelings for them. BUT i didnt expect them to like me back at all due to our 4-year age gap. BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE 16 AT THAT TIME!!
I only found out after a few days.. and when i did confess they only asked if i was sure about my feelings so i thought about it and said yes.
Mind you i didnt ask them to be my lover yet but the next they they started calling me their “lover” okay sure i accepted it and didnt say anything i played along.
So me and iv’s relationship was going pretty well not until a test i pulled on my alt.
It was only supposed to be a prank and posted after a few hours. I tried a loyaltly test on them just for fun.
Not that they failed but actually they passed which was quite good. They blocked my alt immediately and said they had a lover so it was good. I was supposed to post it but they never saw it so i just decided to stay silent about it thinking they already knew it was me.
WRONG. They found out after a week after that happened and i got ignored for 10 hours and they were clearly pretty mad. Why exactly? For some reason suddenly i didnt “trust them”. Sometimes a test is needed but i did feel guilt after that and i never had alt accounts again to rebuild trust.
After a few more weeks we had fights left and right. And it was over stupid things for some reason. I was never one to start fights, i only confront people if they did something wrong but our fights we’re getting frequent. Often over small misunderstandings. It was always being put on me as my fault so i always apologized and did my best to change.
On tiktok we were both daily fanpages of a show called alienstage so matching pfps were frequent.
Now a few weeks later our conversations lessened. But they always tried to break up with me due to religion. The first time i cried since i was too attached and couldnt let go so they gave us a few more weeks to recover a bit then broke up with me again. This happened atleast three times before i let go.
What i found weird was that they tried to break up everytime there was a special occasion like christmas, new year, two days before valentines day last year.
I didnt think much of it since i thought they were only coincidences cause i mean anything can be timed perfectly on accident these days.
The things i always heard from iv was that they knew we wouldnt last at all due to our religions, and that their wifi would be turned off by their parents so they wouldnt be able to reply to me very often cause of different timezones and that when im asleep their interenet is somehow turned on..? And that they are trying to post so they CANT reply. Of course i didnt find that weird and just trusted them yeah. But i dont understand why posting is more important then talking to your partner even a bit..?
But of course i tried understanding that since i didnt wanna look or be selfish towards anyone nor them. I only got one worded replies towards all the texts i sent. Not that i expected them to reply to everything but one worded responses.. it was getting repetetive and i never got the attention i used to get back then.
And they always told me that it was a sin for people of the same gender to date. I did know that but i loved them so much i would be willing to do anything for them. But i tried controlling myself. Sure i did respect their religion.
But i didnt like the fact that they were getting distant, no replies no texts unless i texted first, and they always sent me videos saying that they do wanna talk to me but they cant really text first i dont understand why but i missed how we used to be back then.
TW!!
I was really one for sh (s3lf h@rm) back then. So every arguement i always thought i would be at fault and i would always apologize and apologize all over again i was doing my best to change. But every cut got deeper every arguement i didnt start. It really got to a point that they forced me to stop.
I was trying to stop but the pain they caused me was a lot for me. I did say i was trying okay i loved them a lot it was starting to hurt. And the fact that they moved on so quick hurt me even more i hate how we became so distant.
I did have built up resentment in me but i never showed or talked to them about it. I didnt want any violent reactions at all i just didnt want anything to change. I never got bored or tired of them. But all they ever told me all the time was that it was really religion.
So i tried understanding. I knew my love was different from theirs so i understood.
After a month later my emotions were getting out of hand. I needed to talk to them about it so i did. I couldnt hold it in anymore so well.. i broke down in front of them but they werent panicking or anything they were just eerily calm. It was like i was on the verge of tears and they were just replying one worded responses like it was nothing. Sure i shouldve controlled myself but i couldnt take it anymore so i told them everything.
And what i also found out was that they basically already liked someone else whilst dating me. Thats what i was trying to get out of them i needed to hear them just say it just tell me that they just didnt like me anymore that they grew bored and liked someone else. Before you wonder how i found out about this was a close friend of hers was also friends with me we’ll call them val. Val told me alongside with screenshots that they took from iv’s twitter dms with them.
Ill put it as simple as this.
I: my ex is mad at me loll
V:oh who???
I: You already know who it is?
I: [insert my name here]
I: im living like ivan loll my long term crush has a boyfriend
V: oh who?
I: what? You dont know them…
And proceeded to block val on their private account. Why do you have to block your friends for no reason? 😭
The first line iv said couldve been that they misunderstood me (again) or that they lied.
Since my texts didnt scream that i was mad at iv or anyone else. I tried to word everything properly.
As fame grew, her distance from me got even farther. So then i began moving on.
I started doing a mass unfollowing on my main account since some moots werent boosting whatsoever. My plan was just to remove some fake moots. But i accidentally unfollowed her so i immediately texted and apologized
“Im so sorry i accidentally unfollowed you 😭”
A few minutes later i got a reply along with a block which i dont even know why it happened.
It was something along the lines of:
“And i did it on purpose 😭”
…
So basically what was that.. i was trying to process what they even said at first since i was confused. It was an accident and suddenly im being mocked. When i did talk to them about it iv just said they thought it was my way of ending the friendship.
hello? Why would i end a friendship like that? And why cant they understand it was an accident? Not everything is supposed to be taken seriously.
And every time i would try and say my feelings out to them they would just say “ok and i apologized what do u want from me now im tired” oh god if your gonna apologize maybe actually mean it.
Our last conversation wouldve been this year last month, i dont ever wanna talk to them ever after what they did.
Their insta got hacked, suspected it would be me but it wasnt, they also did got accusations of copying other creators videos cause of extreme similarities. Though i also had some proof they wouldnt believe me anyways.
They’ll to plug their ears when someone accuses them of something they may did or didnt do. Even though i had screenshots they made our whole conversations look sarcastic since they kept making every word they say look satire. I used an emoji in one of my sentences and all of a sudden they tell me that the emoji makes my sentence look “satire” when i was trying to express my feelings? Just say you dont care atp.
And the fact that they had to twist my words to someone they wrongly accused of “hacking” their account when that person didnt even do anything wrong except accuse them of copying a certain video is just stupid. I never got to clear up to that person at all cause of what iv said. Im tired of all the misunderstandings and pain i had to encounter. I wont wish anything awful on them. But i wish to go back to my old self on where i didnt have them.
+Accusing me of being transphobic for not knowing that they were trans is just fkn stupid too. After yapping about our religion and saying two girls liking to girls is a sin yet continues to become trans and dodge all my questions as if i was attacking them. Always has an excuse for everything. They’ll start asking why i even cared about their life instead of answering a question that wasnt even about their life.
Ill forever hate the fact that my mental state has been ruined. And that they had to just microcheat behind my back. Ill never forget this. And to their friend that had threatened me to do something if i didnt stop talking to her just hurts me even more. All the lies they told their friends were included in the passage their friend sent me. I saw through everything but i didnt dare say a word. Ill never forget this.
I dont know if they deserved the fame at all honestly. It was something to boost their ego even more. Ill resent them forever and ill never forget this.