u/Connorpok

I know this text is long, and I know many people want short answers. But this is not just another “it will get better” post. This is something honest I have learned from my own experience.

After my previous post, I received many kind messages and also some questions about why I see things the way I do. So I wanted to write about something many of us wonder after being dumped: will my body and nervous system feel normal again? Will I be able to love again? And will they ever come back?

If you are the one who got dumped, please take all the time you need. Cry if you need to. Do not force yourself to be okay too quickly. That empty feeling, the chest pain, waking up with no joy, not being able to sleep, and just waiting for the day to be over — I know how hard that is.

But I want you to remember this: you did your best with the love and understanding you had at that time. If you tried, cared, communicated, and wanted to save it, that matters. Sometimes love is not enough to make someone stay, and that is one of the hardest truths to accept.

About loving again — everyone heals at a different pace. But I do believe you can love again, because I did. After some time, I started liking someone new. I texted her, thought about her, and created an idea of her in my mind. It did not work out, and it hurt again, but it taught me something important.

It taught me that my first relationship did not fail only because of my mistakes. It also taught me that I cannot use another person, work, hobbies, or distractions to avoid pain forever. At some point, you have to sit with yourself and feel what hurts. That is part of healing.

I also learned that healing does not always mean becoming completely untouched by the past. Sometimes healing means becoming better, stronger, calmer, and more aware of yourself. You may still carry some pain, but it does not have to control your life forever. And please do not start a new relationship just to escape the old one. Do it only when you feel ready.

About them coming back — I know this is painful to hear, because I did not want to hear it either. But you cannot build your healing around waiting for someone to return. Maybe some people do come back, and maybe some second chances work, but your life cannot depend on that possibility. If they return, protect your peace and your boundaries. If they do not, you still have a life ahead of you.

Life can still become beautiful. You can grow, travel, learn new things, become more confident, and become someone you are proud of. You can slowly stop being afraid and start becoming yourself again.

Some of us carry trauma after heartbreak. When we meet someone new, we may fear rejection. We may feel that ache in our chest again, afraid that this new person will leave too or choose someone else. I am honestly still dealing with that stage myself. I am not fully healed, but I am trying.

So please take your time. Cry in bed if you need to. Watch movies all day if that is what helps you survive the moment. Let yourself suffer now, so one day you can enjoy life again. We only get one life, and even if it does not feel like it right now, you still have so much potential.

Right now, I am experiencing rejection again from someone who felt amazing and beautiful to me. I liked so many things about her because we had a lot in common.

Some people might think this means I cannot be alone, but I do not see it that way. I believe healing is not always a perfect solo process. Sometimes connection with another person can also help you grow.

Take care, everyone. You got this. I believe in you.

P.S. I may not respond to messages right now because I am still trying to heal too. Thank you for understanding.

Firstly, I know this text is long and a lot of you want short answers, but please read this, because it is not about “it will get better.” It is about the honesty I have learned.

After some time, I received a lot of thank-you messages on my previous post, and also some questions about why I look at certain things this way.

In this post, I would love to talk about whether your body and nervous system will go back to normal, whether you will be able to love again, and of course, if you are suffering, you probably want to know: will they ever come back?

Firstly, I want to say that if you are the one who got dumped, take all the time you need. Cry it out, and don’t do things just to make the pain disappear. Believe me, feeling tasteless, feeling like nothing in life brings you any joy, waking up and not even being able to sleep, just wanting the day to finally be over — it is very hard. I just want you to know that you did your best, and there was nothing you could have done to fix it. You know you have a loving heart. You know you tried everything, and you are more emotionally intelligent than they are. So the chest pain, the days when you find no joy in anything — I was there too, and I had to go through that as well.

About loving again, it takes a different amount of time for all of us, and we are all different. But let me tell you that you are going to love again, because I did. After a month and a half, I ended up falling for another girl, and I did everything I could. I texted with her, created her in my mind, and wanted her to be mine. But I created a version of her in my head, and to this day I am trying to be better. Of course, it did not work out, and I suffered even more, but it made me realize two important things: first, that my first relationship was not about my mistakes, because I wanted to save it; and second, that at some point you have to live with your own company and not just try to fill the emptiness with more work, hobbies, or distractions. You have to feel the pain to heal. And one very important thing is that you will never heal fully if you keep waiting to be “fully healed.” You may never feel completely untouched by it, but you can get better, find somebody else, and know that you are doing better and becoming better. But never go into another relationship if you are not ready.

Lastly, even though you don’t want to hear it — and I did not want to hear it at that time either — they probably won’t come back. And if they do, do not accept them back. Of course, there are very rare occasions where things work out the second time, but life is so beautiful. You can have an amazing glow-up, you can become so much better, travel, learn self-defense, stop being scared of anyone, and be yourself.

Of course, some of us have trauma, and when we meet someone new again, we are scared of rejection. You may feel that ache in your chest, afraid that they will leave too, and that this new person you are so amazed by, with such an amazing personality, will find somebody else. That is the stage I am in right now, and I am trying my best to deal with it.

Lastly, you will heal. Take your time. Cry in bed. Watch movies or shows all day if you need to. Take that time to suffer now, so you can enjoy life later. Remember, we all have one shot at this life. Don’t waste it. All of you have so much potential.

Take care, everyone. You got this. I believe in you.

P.S. At this time, I am not responding to any messages because I am still trying to get better myself, and I still have pain inside me. Thank you for understanding.