u/Connect_Ad4335 — reddlx

I(19M) am 5'3. Previously in my life. I heard countless times people criticizing my height, making very exagerrated jokes too many times(i can clearly take a joke once in a while but sometimes it s too much), it happend numerous times at parties when i was a little bit younger. The thing that stuck up the most to mind is something that happened 3 times when a girl approached me and said "I have would have try dating you if you were taller" and then laughing. Today, I kinda ran away from the city i was from for studies also in the hope that people here would be different. It's a way smaller city, but people have not changed. I also thought that maybe people will stop doing when we ll be adults but i guess i was wrong. I still get the same jokes from men. i hate it. Now let's get back to the "I have would have try dating you if you were taller" part. It has most definitely impacted my love life. I am really not confident around woman because of that. I still managed to get into 2 relationships but it was a while ago like 2 years from now, and frankly i was still a pathetic dude with 0 self-esteem. I just CAN'T approach someone. When i get the idea I start to panic, like real panic. I start hyperventilating and start having heavy tingling everywhere. It happened to me 5 days ago. I was out in another town and i went to a shop and went to see the retro consoles section. 2 min later a really pretty woman approached near me and i wanted to approach her. but i started overthinking. What if i annoy her? What if she thinks i am too small to be attractive? What if she calls me out loudly and people look at me like i am some creep? What do i even say? What can i say that has the least chance of a bad outcome? After like 3 solid minutes of staring into the void asking myself those kind of questions. I moved and started having difficulty breathing. So i went to a much more isolated place to calm myself and after 5-10 min it stopped. When i got back she was gone. Frankly it's the kind of things that i feel like could hold be back from a lot of things. I know i will regret it a long time. I don't know what to do? Also where i study there is not a single woman, it amplifies my reaction because i feel like i have become so scared by not being around one for 1-2 years. I think i am not ugly, i think i dress well, i think i am smart enough. But this shit is so above me i don't get it. I will never grow anymore i am taller that both my parents already. I have accepted that. But what i have been told at those parties is so much in my head. I just feel like if i was taller so may things would have different for me. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life.