Hello, honestly I want some advice about this topic because I find it very complicated. I’ll start from the beginning. Around four or five years ago—we used to study in the same place, me and two boys. They were older than me, the first by two years (I’ve known him since childhood) and the second by four years. We used to walk the same way home.
At first, I only talked to the boy from my neighborhood, but gradually my relationship with the other boy (the one older by four years) became stronger day by day. We became friends, shared secrets, sat together, talked a lot, and naturally I started to develop feelings for him. I didn’t show anything and acted normal, and he did too. Since they were older, they finished their studies and left, but we continued talking.
In the summer of the year we separated from that place, one night we talked and he confessed that he loved me and wanted to marry me after he builds his life and gets a job. I admitted I loved him too, and from there we found ourselves in a romantic relationship. It felt special because it started from friendship. It was my first love and my first relationship, I didn’t know much about these things. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk to me for two days, and I didn’t care at first. But then I realized something wasn’t right. We started having arguments and misunderstandings until I got tired and cut him off without explaining anything.
Two months later, he contacted me with a new number. We reconciled and got back together, and the second time felt much better than before. After around six months, many things happened. For example, I was going through a hard time and when I told him, he yelled at me. That pushed me away even more, especially because I had already started feeling a kind of coldness toward him due to other actions. Later that same day, I found out he had started talking to another girl—not that he cheated, but he knows very well I don’t like when he talks to girls like that. So I ended the relationship immediately.
Days passed, he kept texting me and trying hard to get me back, but I refused. Whenever I was close to moving on, he would message me again and take me back to zero. I ended up returning to him again, but not fully—sometimes we talked, sometimes we stopped. I know it was wrong, but I loved him and couldn’t forget those happy memories.
The last time he contacted me, he told me he had changed and wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. We talked for more than three weeks non-stop. We talked yesterday, and today we didn’t talk—this is basically how things always are. Honestly, I don’t feel enough comfort with him. First, I don’t trust him, and he doesn’t talk to me much during the day. One day I got tired and told him that, we discussed it, then we didn’t talk for three days or more. After that he messaged me apologizing and saying he didn’t have phone credit and had many problems, but after solving them he contacted me again.
I told him I wasn’t interested anymore and stopped talking to him. Today we met by chance; we didn’t speak, but when I got home I found a message from him saying: “Do you think you can get rid of me? I won’t leave you.” I told him I was tired and I couldn’t handle the neglect anymore. He told me he’s trying his best.
In short, I don’t feel truly comfortable with him, but I don’t want to lose him because he doesn’t want to lose me and keeps trying to fix things. But I think he’s lying and won’t change—I don’t know.
Tell me what to do.