This is so, so long but I’m at my breaking point.
There’s more details but I can’t write an entire book so here’s a summary of my life currently.
I’m about 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby. Mom and I have had a tumultuous relationship where I’ve been NC, but before my pregnancy got to a point where we could have a surface level relationship and it was easy for me to brush her nonsense off.
As soon as I told her I was pregnant she became overbearing, texting me every day and calling me out of the blue, planning a second baby shower because she didn’t want to share with my MIL or stepmom (her words). This all sounds lovely but that was not our relationship before this so it was a bit suffocating.
She would say a backhanded things to me in casual conversation constantly, and tell me I’m hormonal and that’s why I’m getting annoyed with her. She hasn’t done that in a while so it feels like she’s getting a bit too comfortable again. I was starting to feel insulted like she wasn’t talking to me like a human, and was feeling a bit sensitive about it and crying everytime we talked, so I asked for a couple days of space. I blocked her and for 3 days in a row she texted my husband and I in a group chat requesting a list for her baby shower. My husband kindly told her I asked for a couple days and we will get back to her. The next day I saw on Facebook that she made an event for my baby shower and invited a ton of people that I didn’t know very well, and we had still not discussed any list. I felt suffocated. My husband asked her to delete it until we discuss a list and she did. At the time I was also going through mastitis and a breast cancer scare, and was on antibiotics (she was not aware of this but it added to my stress).
A couple days later I felt ok to talk finally, so I reached out to her via text asking to discuss a list. She did not answer. Several days go by, I reached out to her a couple more times, no answer. Finally I talked to my aunt who is usually a support person to me, who told me that my mom has never done anything to me and that I’m so disrespectful and my mom needs at least several weeks before she’s ready to talk to me. Meanwhile I’m pregnant and dealing with an infection and scared and at the time felt like anything could happen in several weeks, and expressed this to my aunt. My mom then called me and told me I was selfish among other select words and hung up the phone. I was distraught at this point, texted my mom and told her maybe it’s best we don’t do this baby shower in my hometown, and don’t communicate for the rest of my pregnancy because I’m under an immense amount of stress. She texted back a very long message stating that I never loved her, that I have taken all her “firsts” away from her with her only child and now with her grandchild. My grandpa then called me and told me that god will punish me and my baby for my sins against my mom tenfold, and that my in laws and husband are trying to steal me away from my family. I blocked my mom again.
A week passes, including my birthday, and my dad had reached out to her. They had been communicating and he was trying to mediate but I told him that I wasn’t ready for that right now because I feel like this will never improve. I then get a call from my MIL saying that my mom reached out to her, blaming her for not including her enough in my bridal shower and wedding (I planned my wedding and we were NC/VLC at the time, and MIL reached out to my mom several times about the bridal shower and my mom ghosted her and turned up empty handed. MIL planned it because she had space in her backyard where I live - 2 hrs from mom, and had the financial means to do so whereas my mom has expressed several times that she is broke. MIL is also literally an angel sent from heaven who takes care of her 40yr old disabled son and would give you the shirt off her back with no hesitation). She blamed HER for taking away her “firsts” and ruining our relationship. Apparently it ended amicably but my mom swore my MIL to secrecy and told her to not let me know whether she is or is not coming to my local baby shower, and my husband told me at one point in the conversation things got so intense that my FIL had to take the phone away from my MIL because she was getting upset. I spoke to my dad about this and he said my mom expressed her grievances to him and he advised her to “get to know her before you start accusing her of things”.
Some more time passed, this past week I had my anatomy scan. All was well with the baby, but I was diagnosed with placenta previa and placed on pelvic rest. I felt guilty for taking away my mom’s “firsts” with her grandson and here’s where I made a mistake. I didn’t feel safe talking to her so I asked my dad so send her ultrasound pics and let her know that everything is going well for the baby, and to leave my diagnosis out of it. I guess she complained to him for an hour about how she is blocked and doesn’t understand, how I’m punishing her and she doesn’t understand. I guess I should’ve either sent the pics myself or not at all. Idk. The same night my grandpa texted me stating he is going to come up and confront my in laws, and that god is always watching me and will punish me, that he is disappointed in me and hopes nothing bad happens to me or my baby because of said divine punishment. I immediately blocked him as well. This was last night. I’m sure more is coming my way. I haven’t been the nicest throughout this process but if I communicate with my mom directly I will end up having a mental breakdown. Maybe some of this is my fault. But I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my sense of peace is nonexistent and they’re chipping away at me little by little until nothing is left.