u/ConnectAnalyst3008

I know this is a common struggle under people who left the faith and those still deconstructing. I'm not a unique case. This post will likely get brushed over because I bet these are common...but I'm asking anyway, because I feel like I'm out of options at this point.

It feels like I have tried to rationalize my way out of this fear but it keeps following me everywhere I go. I have practically seen every video on Youtube dealing with this subject. Nothing has helped me.

I'm on the cusp of leaving Christianity, but this geniunely holds me back. One day when I finally feel ready to leave, something happens - I hear news of someone who died, I watch a movie dealing with death, I hear a preacher ranting about coming back to Jesus, etc. And it all comes back.

What if it is real?

What if I am allowing myself to be deceived?

What if?

Whether hell is real or not, I think I can confidently say that I'll never see it as a "just" punishment ever again. Nothing about it screams "This is good. The perfect, most morally good creator of all things made this".

How do I finally get over the fear? Can it ever be conquered? Do I just get a lobotomy?

I don't want to die.

Not yet.

The person who did it is someone close to me. He often plays with my brother's dog, always acting oh so affectionate towards the dog. The baby boy is still a teething puppy and has the propencity to bite when being played with. We were watching television together, the dog nearly bit his face and this person threw a fit. Not only that, threw the dog probably 3 STEPS in front of him off of the couch.

Luckily the puppy was okay, I checked up afterwards and made sure the puppy got some love. Could have gone much worse though.

I don't think I could fully trust a human being if they had the capacity inside themselves to do something like that to a dog.

You 100% need to find help so you can get your head checked out. The person also really casually once mentioned how, when he was younger - threw a different dog out of a WINDOW for a reason I couldn't remember. That's so messed up.

You must be asking how could I possibly be keeping this person anonymous? This person is not someone to be trifled with. If I were to stand up to them, I'd probably end up living in a box under a bridge. This person has power. He's probably reading this post right now, I'm just hoping he doesn't.

Hey! I'm on the lookout for some possible friends! The nerdier, the better!

I'd like to hang out in person rather than just staying friends online.

Anybody close to the vaal triangle/Vereeniging area? 😊