Im going to preface by saying I'm 2 weeks post-partum. With twins. The hormones are flowing.
This might be a long one- so my apologies ahead of time, and if you stick around, thanks for reading.
Normally, Im a "water off a ducks back" kinda person. Not alot ruffles my feathers, and if it does, Im really good at moving past it. Mostly for the sake of my own energy, and where I choose to spend that energy. Im really protective of my peace, and most things aren't worth getting worked up about.
Our twins arrived via c-section at 37 weeks gestation, which is great for twins. Baby boy was having some trouble, and was almost transfered to a NICU 2 hours away. He spent the first 8 hours of his life hooked up to machines. It was a REALLY hard day. No one prepares you for seeing your newborn like that. Thankfully, as the helicopter team was getting him ready to transfer, he rallied, and NICU was avoided.
During this whole day my MIL was calling/texting, I understand the worry, but in those moments having my husband on the phone with MIL instead of being present with me and our babies was not what we needed.
We had been very clear that we didn't want visitors at the hospital. Being tits out nursing two babies/milked by nurses, with a catheter up my urethra, bleeding into an adult diaper isn't a state Im super comfortable having visitors in.
During the time where we though baby would be transferred, MIL was saying she was going to drive to the NICU, but once the decision was made that baby boy wouldn't need the transfer we updated everyone, MIL started asking she come to the hospital. She ended up chipping away at us, and we agreed she could come the evening of day two. She ended up coming in the morning.
During the whole pregnancy she was insistant that she didn't want to know what we were having- even though we found out, and weren't keeping it a secret, she wanted the suprise. Fine, but- this created a dance where we couldn't tell the family, even though we were telling everyone else.
So when she arrived to meet the babies, we had names picked- for MONTHS.
Our girls name is Bronwyn, and our boy Connor.
We could tell she wasnt a fan, but at that point she kept it to herself.
That visit went ok other then her calling my day old babies "her babies", which low key made my blood boil.
We ended up being in the hospital for 4 nights, 5 days.
MIL came to visit again on day 3, at which point she gave us a hand written list of names she had been compiling thoughout the pregnancy... Sorry, but they already have names.
She said she couldnt "get her mouth around the name Bronwyn" and that she was just going to call her Bee, and it would be her "special grandma nickname". Bee is what my husband and I call each other instead of babe, so we dont LOVE that as a nickname for our kid- and generally we hope that nicknames would happen organically, rather then being assigned.
Then she asks if we would reconsider the middle name of our boy, again, names picked for MONTHS.
We had chosen my hubby's Grandfather's name for Connors middle, it IS a family name. She said there was enough men in the family with that middle name, and asked if we would name baby after hubby's dad who is passed.
Years ago, I told hubby what my number one baby boy name was, and it was happened to be his fathers name, there's some pain there still, and he said he wasn't comfortable using that name. So when my sister had her baby, she ended up using that name.
To be clear I love the name, but I assumed it was off the table. Whell, she worked hubby down, and baby boy now has a new middle name.... other then the one we have had picked for months.
Im just having a hard time with the audacity.
Changing the names of my 2 day old babies.
Today we had her over, we told her between 12 and 1 works best, she showed up at almost 2; she brought us salad, and some lovely gifts for the babe, which we really appreciate. We have asked to keep visits short because the babies are cluster feeding, their daytime naps are when we sleep too. She was here for almost 5 hours, the whole time calling the babies "her babies".
When she was calling Bronwyn "Bee" I asked if she could please just call her by her name, so she knows it. MIL made a face and said she "would try".
She's had a Grandma shower at her work, to celebrate her becoming a grandparent.
Her brothers are throwing her a Grandma breakfast.
Truely, I understand being excited. Im excited for these babies too.
To be honest though, Im feeling alittle bit like a human incubator for "her babies", and part time dairy cow.
I do love my MIL, but there is a history of behavior there, that I choose not to give energy to... but this is all just sitting badly with me, and I am having a hard time letting these things go. Again- maybe just hormones?
I don't have a mom, and only a sister for family, so is this just normal Grandma behavior? Am I making a mountain of a molehill? AIO by being so bothered by this?
Thanks for reading.