Quick facts for context first:
• Me and my SO don't live together
• My SO has full custody (BM is with them for a about 4/5 hours a week)
• I don't consider myself a SM, more just dad's partner. They basically view me as a fun aunt (or so I believe)
• They have a bedroom at my home and do come to stay
My SO's children (F6 & M5) are typically very good! Recently, I'm starting to find myself struggling to cope with some of the behaviour which includes:
Demanding things (not asking such "can I have")
Bickering with each other to the point they're hurting each other (somewhat normal but still needs addressing)
Not listening when told no and then just crying when no is the final answer
Everything is a struggle, e.g. getting washed, dressed, shoes on etc
Nothing ever feels good enough although we try so hard to do at least one fun thing at the weekend!
Constant whining met with "I want" attitude
Not flushing the toilet (basically never - they can reach)
Bed wetting (not just when sleeping)
Glued to the iPad and crying when told no or having it removed for bed time etc
Not respecting boundaries e.g. when they think they're playing with my SO but in fact they're hurting/annoying him and he's communicated so
I know a lot of this is just kid behaviour! I think I struggle because I was raised very differently. It just wouldn't have been acceptable and I would have had consequences, e.g. no TV, no treats, no new toys, sent to my room, etc.
When they exhibit this kind of behaviour, I feel like they still get what their asking for. Sweets, screen time, days out etc. I'm struggling to want to do days out and fun things with them because it feels like it's just not good enough for them.
In my head, I think a rewards chart or something along those lines would be beneficial so treats etc are earned and not just given. It would also set clear consequences with visuals as to why they're not getting what they've asked for. As far as I'm aware (I've been around for about 3 years give or take) there's never been a reward system or any clear "here is what happens when you're being bold" i.e. timeout. As my SO has full custody, I have to see them as we get limited alone time.
Would I be overstepping by having a conversation with my SO (who I know is also struggling with their behaviour) to discuss ways I think would be beneficial to try and ease it? Or do I just keep out of it and limit the amount I'm willing to take part in (which in turn will obviously limit the time is see my partner)?