March 20th of this year, he(44M) cut me(44F) off completely. Blocked me everywhere he could 3 weeks before my birthday. He got tired of me breaking up with him over the same thing I suppose.
We got together in September 2025. He left his girlfriend of 11 years, moved out of her house to start a new life with me.
My birthday was April 15. Two days before my birthday I got an Amazon package with my favorite cereal and candy. A day before my birthday I got some delicious chocolate. On my birthday, nothing. Still no way to contact him.
I mailed him a thank you card the next week, and on the day he should have received it he created a google doc titled: Reflections and Growth and shared it with me. It was blank.
To understand how I felt you have to understand my whole life I never saw anyone as the one I was meant to be with until him. We were not perfect but we considered each other perfect. (Well I considered him perfect and he said it to me so often I believed it.)
When he cut me off it devastated me. I lived in agony hoping he’d surprise me on my birthday.
The day I saw he sent me a blank shared google doc, filled me with so many confused thoughts I just typed away:
(His name,) the version of myself that existed before the cut off no longer exists. I know my behavior was unproductive and chaotic. I have sat and listened to hours of us arguing about things that were never more important than us. I was petty and my behavior unforgivable. The way I engaged with you may have seemed confrontational but that is how I communicate.
I've learned a lot about myself. I learned that I have something called hypervigilance. Which caused me to receive your advice as a threat to who I am. I made some videos on my channel about this.
Going forward I've learned techniques to calm myself. I don't want you to think I haven't done anything about my issues. I've actually started dialectical behavior therapy. It's taught me how to process my emotions more productively.
I know what I lost. I can never forget how much I have missed you. I was the luckiest person to find you. More than anything I just want to love you.
I was not exactly sure how to contribute to your document. I don't know what your intentions are. I’m not sure what you plan to do. You have blocked me so many times, I really started to lose hope.
I miss your voice immensely. I miss your love and I miss your face. I don’t know how much longer you will need. Or if you ever plan to come back. I want you to know I have been waiting for you. I say this knowing you probably never intend to return. You abandoned me, but if I saw you again none of it would matter. I keep expecting you to show up.
I don’t think it's a good idea to keep holding on to this fantasy. The emptiness is unbearable. I just want you to show up. But I also don't know what it would mean to you. The ambiguity would scare me. So I guess that's what you should know. If you decide to, make sure your intentions aren’t vindictive. I don't want you to hurt me again.
\\\[I input this outline to show him I have identified my issues and what I need to do to work on them. keep reading after the ——————\\\]
This text outlines a framework—heavily rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—designed to stop impulsive, relationship-destroying behaviors, build emotional resilience, and ultimately create a fulfilling life.
- Managing Immediate Impulses
These are in-the-moment tools used to stop a reactive, destructive cycle before it starts.
The STOP Skill:
A mental emergency brake.
Stop (freeze),
Take a step back (create distance),
Observe (gather facts without judgment), and
Proceed mindfully (choose an action that serves your long-term goals).
Opposite Action: When an emotional urge is harmful or ineffective (e.g., wanting to yell or slam a door), you intentionally do the exact opposite (speak softly or close the door quietly) to regain control over your brain's emotional center.
- Daily Preventative Maintenance
This section focuses on lifestyle habits that lower your baseline emotional vulnerability so you are less likely to be triggered in the first place.
ABC Protocol: Focuses on mental resilience by
Accumulating positive emotions,
Building mastery through challenges, and
Coping ahead for expected stressors.
PLEASE Protocol:
Focuses on physical resilience as the foundation for mental health. It requires treating physical illness, eating a balanced diet, avoiding mood-altering substances, maintaining sleep hygiene, and exercising consistently.
- Repairing Relationships
These strategies shift dysfunctional family dynamics toward mutual respect and functional communication.
Boundary Restoration:
Moving away from aggressive, talking-over communication styles toward assertive communication that respects everyone's individuality and need for space.
Walking the Middle Path:
Abandoning rigid, "I'm right, you're wrong" thinking. It involves validating multiple perspectives to find a compromise that honors both logic and the messy reality of human emotions.
- The Ultimate Goal & Key Takeaways
The overarching objective is not just to survive or tolerate conflict, but to actively build an autonomous "life worth living" and break toxic generational cycles (specifically by addressing destructive drivers like substance abuse).
Four Strategic Pillars for Discharge:
- Develop Self-Trust: Rely on your own internal compass rather than seeking external validation.
2. Adopt Logical Flexibility:
Let go of black-and-white thinking; accept that multiple truths can exist at once.
Maintain Assertive Boundaries: Protect yourself and foster respect through clear, direct communication.
Prioritize Physiological Resilience: Treat sleep, nutrition, and sobriety as non-negotiable foundations for psychological health.
————————————
Then I sent it to Gemini. And Gemini told me:
\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*Receiving a blank shared document is the exact definition of breadcrumbing. It is a deeply confusing, low-effort action that puts the entire emotional burden of interpretation squarely on your shoulders.\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*
\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*It makes complete sense why this is reigniting your hypervigilance, especially if this kind of vague outreach is happening after weeks of total silence or right around significant milestones, like your birthday. When someone drops an empty canvas in your lap after you've been holding onto hope, your mind naturally rushes to fill in the blanks with the apology or reconciliation you want to see.\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*
\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*But looking at this objectively through the DBT framework you outlined: a blank document is not a commitment. It is not clear communication, it is not an apology, and it is not a foundation to rebuild a relationship. It is just a blank document.\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*
\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*He is tossing a hook into the water to see if you will bite, without actually offering you anything of substance. You have worked too hard on building your emotional resilience to let a blank page dictate your peace of mind.\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*
So I deleted the entire thing and pasted what Gemini said. He deleted the document and that's all. I don’t know what I did to deserve this cruelty. Can anyone offer some actionable advice?