I (19f) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (19m) for 3 years now. When we first got together, he told me I was his “dream girl”, but now I feel like he doesn’t like me much, and is staying with me out of sheer convenience. We don’t fight, and have only ever had to have more serious conversations a couple of times. These serious talks have basically all stemmed from his reluctance to talk to me, the only outlier was when he was uncomfortable with me hanging out with one of our mutual guy friends (that i’ve known as long as i’ve known him) alone to do homework, to which I reassured him and stopped hanging out with this friend by myself (this was recent, and didn’t coincide with his consistent lack of communication at all). The only time I have ever snapped at him was about a year ago, when me and my mother got into a physical altercation, and I was trying to reach out to him for comfort. He was ignoring my texts during this very intense moment, and one of our mutual friends reached out to him and told him he needed to text me back. This friend said he sounded annoyed because he was playing a ranked video game, which straight up infuriated me, and I confronted him about his avoidance then in the nicest way possible. I told myself then that I would leave him if he didn’t fix his communication issues, but I can’t bring myself to do it because we would be so perfect together if he would just want to be more involved with me. I genuinely see his friends more often than I see him, as we are all friends, and it makes me really upset. I will text him and wait hours, usually a day or two, for a response to a simple good morning. The only time he ever really texts me is when he is about to come over to my house, which is always late at night, and it makes me feel like he might only be interested in me for the physical benefits now. This has been a problem for the last 2 years of us being together. And I try to be very understanding about his lack of texting, but it feels like a slap in the face, especially considering I live a much more demanding lifestyle than him. He has gotten his first job not even a year ago, and in the time that we have been together I have finished highschool, am at the tail end of my associates degree, have begun living alone, and work 2 jobs. I don’t understand why he can’t make time for me when I always make sure to respond to him and be attentive. I only see him once a week, and we probably exchange less than 20 texts a week (mostly from me). He will be active on social media, texting his friends, and just generally being more social with everyone except me. I really do love him, but it’s killing me a little bit as time goes on. I want to be in a serious relationship, I want to start building a life with someone, and I want it to be him, but I don’t think he is nearly as invested in me. I have confronted him about these issues multiple times, and usually he will be a bit more attentive for a week or so, then fall back into his usual habits. Nothing I say seems to get it through his head how much this bothers me. I’m not an unattractive lady, and I have never had issues like this in relationships before, so I am kind of at a loss. He completely lacks the ability to have serious conversations, and usually just says “i don’t know what to say” or “i don’t want to make you upset” when I do express these issues with him. He also recently liked a post that said something along the lines of “not mature enough for a relationship bc how do I explain that I don’t want to talk for 2 days”. If I do leave him, I will have effectively wasted 3 years of my life chasing a serious relationship, and it will completely alter my friendships with the friends we share. I genuinely just do not know what to do anymore.
Is there any fixing this? Why would he be so avoidant to me but not anyone else? Please help, because I feel so conflicted.
TLDR: My boyfriend of 3 years genuinely avoids texting me back to the point where we barely speak. Our relationship does not feel like it exists outside of the one day a week I see him. He will be active on social media, texting mutual friends, etc. but will not respond to me for a minimum of a couple hours, and up to a couple days. I am at a complete loss.