28M] asking: am I seeking closure from [30F] or refusing to accept the ending?”
Hello everyone, I need some honest advice.
I’m a 28-year-old guy from a small religious town in India. I’ve been dealing with bipolar disorder for the last 3 years, diagnosed professionally, and lately my emotions have been all over the place.
A few months ago, a woman came to my town as a tourist from a metropolitan city. The moment I saw her, I felt something I can’t fully explain. I know people will call it infatuation, but to me it genuinely felt intense and real.
I lied to her initially and told her I was a tour guide so I could spend time with her and show her temples around the city. She quickly figured out I was lying when she started asking detailed questions about architecture and history. Somehow instead of ending there, we kept talking, walking around together, and with every passing hour we got closer. It honestly felt like one of those movie plots where two strangers meet unexpectedly and suddenly act like they’ve known each other forever.
After she went back home, we stayed in touch constantly while I was simultaneously doing a course and preparing for jobs/interviews. She opened up to me about her family situation, which was honestly heartbreaking, and I think emotionally we both connected very deeply because of our own wounds.
But after around 8 days, when I asked her where this relationship was heading, she said:
“Let’s not give this any tag. Why do we need to show anything to anyone?”
That sentence stayed with me.
After that, things slowly became complicated. We had constant fights about lifestyle differences, expectations, communication, and priorities. I wanted to see her on her birthday and was willing to travel an entire week just to spend even an hour or two with her because of the distance between us. She declined, but later celebrated with one of her male friends instead.
One day while I was returning home from an interview, she casually mentioned she was again hanging out with the same male friend. I got angry and reacted badly. During that same time her Instagram account suddenly got disabled, and because of my abandonment issues and trauma responses, I panicked and assumed she blocked me. I completely lost emotional control in that moment.
After that she called me a weak man and slowly started pulling away.
Later, during a phone call while I was returning from a pilgrimage with my family, she told me she had said yes to a marriage proposal. The painful part is that this proposal already existed while she was still talking to me and even while she visited my city. I had once asked her:
“What if that guy ends up liking you?”
And she always replied:
“I’ll figure it out.”
Looking back now, I realize she always kept herself emotionally safe while I was completely invested.
The thing is, this is not even my first heartbreak. I’ve had past situationships and breakups before. But this one hit differently. Everything felt perfect to me — the way she observed things, her mind, the tiny details, our conversations, the intensity, everything.
Now she barely calls, barely texts, and nothing feels the same anymore. Meanwhile her life seems to be moving perfectly — job, routine, social life, everything. And here I am at 4 in the morning writing on Reddit because I genuinely don’t know how to move on.
My friends keep telling me to block her everywhere because according to them she doesn’t really care anymore. But a part of me still wants one final meeting. Not to convince her to stay, but maybe just to find closure.
Am I being emotionally immature and holding onto something already dead? Or is wanting one final conversation actually normal?