Am I
Salaam,
I’ve never posted anything on reddit but for the first time I feel like I need to.
(Also please excuse my grammar and vocab, English is my third language😭)
I (F21) am getting to know a guy (24)…I was never looking for a connection and never felt the need to get married at such a young age. I’m still a student and I don’t think i’m ‘fit’ for marriage yet, sometimes I even still struggle holding on to my 5 prayers a day…
However somehow this guy stumbled on my path and it’s been going well’ish…Looks wise he ticks all my boxes, he’s on his deen and works on strengthening his bond with his religion everyday MashAllah, he has a drivers license, a house, a job and is getting his second degree.
Personality wise it’s a little more difficult, we have the same humor and get along pretty well. It’s just that he has a different way of talking than I do. We were both born in The Netherlands but vocab wise there is a very big gap between us. I try to ignore it and say that it’ll get better with time since people tend to act/talk like the people they’re the most around. But sometimes it ‘icks’ me out??? I know it’s very nitpicky of me and it’s probably me just self sabotaging because I feel like its all going too well and I probably will get married soon AAARGHHHH.
We’ve been talking for a little more than 2 weeks now and we met up twice, both times went great and he’s showed me no bad traits yet. We decided to tell our parents about it and now everything is being rushed.
Our parents already told us we can’t see each other anymore (completely understandable and we felt the same since we both knew it was haram seeing each other without a proper mahram), but now my parents want to meet him to see if he’s ready for marriage.
He was completely okay with it but personally I was panicking. I’m still not 100% sure he’s the one and I also am a very very very very avoidant person when things get serious. He knows this and told me that even if he met my parents, i’m still not promised to him and I can back out at any time. He’s also reassured me that he’s very sure about wanting to continue with me and that he doesn’t think the way I do about how fast it’s going.
The issue is it doesn’t feel this way, i’ve been so stressed I can’t even study because I feel like I have no control over the situation and in my head I feel like I ‘owe’ him marriage and that makes me want to RUN
I feel dumb even typing this because I realize how self sabotaging and avoidant I sound. I guess I just want to know if someone can give my advice on what to do or how I can stop these self sabotaging thoughts from taking control over my head😭