I was raised by a pedophile and I will forever be disgusting because of it.
TW bathroom, regression, infantilism.
my mom is a pedophile. any time I showed childlike behavior, I was sexualized. she called me cute and would grab and pinch and squeeze at me. she made a very big deal about diapers and potty training and nursing and made the process as long as possible because she was “helping me”. any kind of baby-like behavior was rewarded and praised, except if we were in public, I’d be in trouble. I had to act older than my age in public, and younger than my age in private. she liked baby talk and infantilizing me for as long as she possibly could. as a result, I now deal with bad, involuntary regression. it’s so hard to explain because it’s not like others where I can openly talk like my child self. I just have all of her feelings. but it makes me feel really really bad and like something bad is going to happen if I let myself be soft and innocent. all of that was ruined for me. I don’t talk to my mom anymore and mother’s day coming up is really hard. I miss my mom and being her baby. but I hate my mom for what she did, but I hate myself even more for missing her. I feel disgusting.
edit to add more trigger warnings. sorry.