u/Confident-Bus-3778

In the past I have mentioned wanting my T to be a bit more direct (I suppose confrontational?). He is very against "interrogation" which I understand and I think maybe I expressed myself wrong when asking about it last time. I completely understand that interrogation isnt therapy and wont work.

That being said, I want to be called out when I'm gaslighting/lying to myself or avoiding something. Often I don't notice I'm doing it, I'm avoiding it just to see if I can, or because I genuinely want to.

I understand the theory that if you're avoiding it, you aren't ready to deal with it, so I shouldn't be pushed into it, but I'm awful at speaking my mind and being the one to bring things up. I am not an open book.

What do I ask for?

In the past my T has expressed that I am a client he has to do more "work" with because I need more input, but I often feel like there's no input at all though there almost certainly is. It may be my ASD/ADHD.

I am aware that the change with therapy doesn't happen in the session, you're supposed to do work outside the session, but what on earth does that mean?

I feel like I should be given a to-do list to work through.

(I do get homework more often than not)

I've been in therapy for over a year. The first 9 months I wasn't really doing much but recapping my week (which my T says is still beneficial).

Therapy doesn't really go how I expect it to?

For instance I was told about a book I could read and decided to read it. I intellectualised it. I purposefully (or probably unconsciously if I think about it) didn't connect it to me or my situation. I told my T this and said I had read it purely from a scientific perspective. As far as I recall there was no "you intellectualised it, why" "to disconnect it from me" "but why are you trying to do that, what benefit does that have".

My T is very much of the mindset that therapy isn't an interrogation and that if you are avoiding a topic, there is little benefit to delving into it because the brain isn't ready to process it yet, and it will likely cause more harm than good. I do see this perspective and I understand it, but I also feel like I'm never going to get anywhere without someone giving me more direction or breaking it out of me?

My T is also not big on the "interrogation" type of idea because I am a people pleaser and I will answer anything, I'm not good at lying other than by omission, so he suspects that I would end up answering questions I perhaps wouldn't actually want to because I am conditioned to do as I'm told.

I just wish there was more?

Another example, I had a trauma as a kid and finally talked about it. Ended up talking about it for 3 sessions and didn't really have anything else to say, I'm not going to remember more information suddenly or develop new feelings on it. I told him I was bored because I had talked the topic to death and he wasn't going to get any more info than I had already given because I didn't have any. We sort of just left it there? I feel like there should have been more?

There is potential that things have been asked and I just didn't realise. There have been a few times was my T has said "I've tried that with you before" and I've been like "when, I have 0 recollection of that".

What do I need to ask for to get the sort of therapy I want? My T is psychodynamic.

Random add on: someone was talking to me about therapy the other day and I was complaining that I never seem to get asked questions (I do, they just aren't particularly probing), and the person mentioned Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy, and that seemed like fun and sort of more what I'm looking for, but also the case would likely be that I'd answer things because I do as I'm told and not because I actually want to.

Also, yes I could just read this post in my next session but I still want the words for what I am looking for.