I’m actually vibrating with rage while typing this. I’ve lived in this house for years feeling like I was the crazy one, but the mask finally slipped. I’ve realized that I’m not a daughter to these people i''m a sacrificial lamb. A literal visa ticket with a heartbeat.
To give you an idea of the "loving" environment I’m in: My father has been physically abusive since I was a kid. He beat me, and my mother? She just watched and never once took my side. We live in a house so small we’re constantly bumping into each other. The other day, I accidentally brushed his shoulder in the hallway. This mann my own father sneered at me like I was literal trashh and said, “Eww, you’re a girl, you should be ashamed for touching your father.” He doesn't even look me in the eye; he just talks trash about me to others.
He treats me like subhuman filth, yet my mother goes around telling everyone and her mother that he’s a "sweetheart" who just has a "bitter mouth." No, mom, he’s a monster. She’s the definition of BLIND. she eloped with this man at 16 after knowing him for a few days, and she’s been stuck in this manipulation loop ever since.
Speaking of my mother, she’s a master of the "Sanskari" act. She act holy. She talks massive shit about my aunties behind their backs, also my aunties also do the same to my mother calling them every name in the book. Then she (my mother) goes to their house, they all fake-cry together, and act like saints. They aways say "Blood is thicker than water". Then my aunties and grandma turn around and call her a "chudail" (witch) behind her back. It’s a circus of backstabbing. Even my 12 year old cousins are in on it they literally told me that they have "black tongues" (kali juban) and are praying that I marry someone who beats me and stay ugly so no one marries me. They even mock my face and tell me I'm too ugly for anyone to want.
I already have my own plan to leave the second I'm financially independent, but I finally realized their plan.
My uneducated grandma (father side)and my parents, aunties have been obsessed with sending me "abroad" to Australia or the UK. I’m just the "anchor." They want me to marry a guy from our caste (Tamang), go abroad, work myself to the bone, and then fund the higher education and visas for my younger brother and all my uncles' kids. They want to sell me off to a caste approved marriage just so I can be a bank for their kids.
When I tested the waters and told my mom I have a boyfriend (he’s a Brahmin from India), she lost her mind. She didn’t care if he was kind. All she asked was, "What is his caste?"
When I told her, she looked at me with pure hate. She spewed racist, childish garbage saying mocking about indians culture and people. she started talking about how bad Indians are and I’d be forced to wear a veil in a village. She literally told me she’d rather I be with a "man whore" who sleeps around as long as he’s our caste, rather than a good man who isn't. She’s uneducated, has zero emotional intelligence, and thinks she’s a "Godly woman" while having no moral compass.
They don't want me to be happy. They want me to be property. They want to control who I love so they can settle their entire "lineage" on my back. I’m done. I don’t believe in their God, I don’t respect their "big caste" ego, and I’m sick of being the only person here with a brain.
I’m planning my escape. If I cut them off, I have no one. But if I stay, I’m just a green card with a heartbeat for people who wish for my downfall.