It was my birthday yesterday, I have hated my birthday for a few years now because of past experiences that I’m not going to get into in this post. It brings me back very bad memories and often made me realize how unimportant I was to people throughout the years.
Yesterday my family gave me a little surprise in my room, I was smiling the whole time and told them I appreciated it and thanked them over and over. I was greatful they took the time to do it even if I hated my birthday.
The small problem was that my presents weren’t me at all. Despite that I acted like I loved them and I was greatful, but I need to get this off my chest.
“To be loved is to be known” is what immediately came to mind. When it has been THEIR bday I ALWAYS listen to them, what they liked, what they needed, what they wanted, their hobbies and fav of everything so I knew what would truly make them happy. I LISTENED. I cared to know them, I put in effort. And I felt they didn’t care to do that with me.
I love anime, I’ve told them names and everything, my mom has even come with me to buy figures and my sister always hears me when I talk to her her about animes that I like.
I’ve told them what style of room I would like, what I would like my astethic to be and that I would love to decorate my room roccoco style when I get the money. I told them so many times but they didn’t listen to me like I listen to them. And that’s what made me sad.
They got me 3 HUGE stuffed animals that are the literal half of my body and barely fit in my bed, something I would never get and never ever said I liked. But my sister loves those, and I felt like just because they liked it they thought I would too, and didn’t care to truly listen to ME or put in the effort to KNOW me like I did with them the whole time.
Despite that I thanked them and smiled though it all, and told them I loved it.
Now I have the huge 3 stuffed animals in my room and when I never would get them at all. But I would never tell that to my sister and mom, I know they would get sad and I don’t want that. But tbh this is why I hate my birthday, I always feel so unimportant, in the past I’ve spent my birthdays locked away in places, working, ignored by friends. This has been the first time in years I got a little surprise like this and it just made me sad to feel how unimportant I am again.
I listened, I put effort, I cared, I cared to get to know them, I asked questions.
They didn’t even have to ask questions, just listen like I did with them. But they didn’t remember/ didn’t care to remember despite me talking about it all the time.
I just wished I was more cared about, I wished someone saw me as worth their time to listen and care and get to know and not just shrug me off. I’m tired of being the only one who does.
I love my mom and sis deeply, I don’t think their intention was bad, I am greatful they took the time to get me things despite that. I just I had to get this off my chest. It’s not about the presents. It’s more that I don’t feel worthy of being seen. AITA?