Well reddit, I've been sipping the tea others leave in these communities for some time, and I think it's only fair that I finally restock some myself.
My (25F) father (52M) (I'll call him Tom, fake name) is a textbook narcissist. Growing up, he pushed me really hard to get really good at "something." He didn't care what it was, but it had to lead to success later in life. It could have been performing, athletics, even just getting good grades, but there had to be something. By 10 years old, we had picked a sport my dad thought I showed talent in, and went all in. I was taking class 3 times a week, 4 times by the time I was 13, and I practiced at a club with that same schedule until I graduated from high school. My father would watch these practices like a hawk. No room for slacking off, chatting with teammates, resting for a minute too long, etc. If I "wasn't doing my best at practice," and committed one of these crimes of slacking off, he would make a scene in the middle of class, scream at me in front of my teammates until I started sobbing, begging him to let me try again, and sometimes he would even threaten to leave me at the club to find my own way home. He never actually left, he would just scare me with empty threats then go sit in the car angrily until I would finally join him. Every time an issue like this came up, he would have a "serious talk" with me for ~2 hours afterward (practice ended at 9pm most nights btw, so he would keep me up until 11pm), ask me to apologize, and would say he hopes I can do better and learn for next time. This happened about once a week for years. When I saw success and won competitions, he would say we won them together, because, "we don't know where I would be without his help." To this day he still has all of my medals, trophies, and newspaper clippings I kept from high school and has refused to give them back, because he thinks he earned them too.
Once I was in college, I started standing up for myself. I was recruited for an NCAA team, received a scholarship, and started the very busy lifestyle that was being a college athlete. At the end of my first year, I needed a formal outfit for a team banquet, so I asked my dad if he could help me pay for one. He agreed, but on the condition that he got to choose the outfit. So off I went to White House Black Market, where he settled on a loose-fitting black dress. It was nice, of course, but I also felt a bit like I was dressed for a funeral. I asked if he would consider letting me choose a lighter pink and white dress I had tried on, but he called me and firmly said no over the phone. At that point I said, "Alright, I'll get the black dress, I need to go back to class now. I'll talk to you later." I got a very long and uncomfortable silence in return. Eventually I said, "Hello?" and my dad replied with, "You're welcome, bye," and hung up on me. After that, I started directly questioning the way he was treating me. A few weeks later, we were arguing on the phone late in the evening while I was at a training camp in another state. He told me, "If you don't want my help, then I'm taking away my money, too. Your phone will turn off tomorrow, we won't pay for any of your travel, and we'll stop cosigning your student loans." I told him if he thinks it's okay to threaten me like that, then fine, do it. Long story short, I jumped into action and got my shit together, to which he replied with multiple panic attacks and horrible comments. He told my aunt, in reference to me, that, "Some people just want to end up living in a van in a walmart parking lot."
So naturally, I went no-contact. Well, technically not NO contact, but very very little contact. Fast forward to this year, my grandmother, Tom's mom (I'll call her Sarah), had been living in Tom's house for a couple years, but she was getting sick. She needed to go to consistent medical appointments, and my dad couldn't reliably take her to all of them. My aunt, Tom's little sister (I'll call her Mary), offered for Sarah to live with her since she has a very open schedule. My father and grandmother agreed, and everything seemed just fine. For a little additional context, Mary is also on very very little contact terms with Tom as well, because she couldn't deal with his bs anymore, either.
A few weeks later, Mary texted me saying she might be suing my father. Something about my grandmother's belongings, she said, and I could get involved if I want my belongings that he still has. Legally, my trophies are mine, earned by me, and I can legally make him give them back. I put a pin in it to mull it over, and Mary said whe would tell me if there were any updates.
This week, I texted my father because I needed him to send me legal documents of mine he still had in his possession. For some odd reason, he was EXTREMELY kind about it, said of course he can, he's happy to overnight it and track it for safety, the whole nine yards. Once I got the package, I told him I appreciate him being so kind, but had something changed? Had he been thinking about our relationship? Did he want to talk about it? I thought, ya know, it's been about 5 years, maybe he's trying to extend an olive branch?
Spoiler: He was not.
*Insert me providing some examples of emotional abuse and neglect I endured in the nicest way I could put it*
The text was long enough it got cut off into the weird expandable bubble thing.
I called my aunt after that to cry and vent. She took that opportunity to tell me more details about why she's likely suing my father. Apparently, a lot of my grandmother Sarah's belongings had not made the first trip with her to my aunt Mary's house. Within the FIRST WEEK my grandmother had been moved out of my dad's house, he DONATED MOST OF HER THINGS TO GOODWILL. WITHOUT ASKING FIRST. And yes, I said most, so what did he keep, you ask? Her expensive sewing machines, which he claimed grandma Sarah had gifted to my mother (my grandmother confirmed she did not), and her antique china set worth likely over $30,000. Everything else? Gone. How did we find out? Well, my grandmother asked if she could sew with my aunt Mary in some of her free time while she's sick, so Mary reached out to Tom asking specifically for the sewing machines to be sent to her, and he flat out REFUSED. As far as I know now, he still has them. My grandmother Sarah is now in hospice. He hasn't visited or called my aunt Mary to check in. Mary and I have no idea if he even knows how close to the end Sarah is.
That's my vent session for now, but y'all know I'll update if/when this goes to court. Love you all at Two Hot Takes! Thanks for reading this very long story <3.