me and my gf have been together for around 6 months. we are highschool prior friends and had liked her during that time but she kind of brushed it off and i basically killed all feelings for her since then and we kept being good friends.
however i never knew how to process that and i had decided to cut her off because more recently i started gaining feelings again and i had internalized that we could never be a thing, especially with me knowing she was seeing other people.
that was part of the problem because after i kind of told her that i didnt want to be friends with her because i gained feelings for her again she gave me the classic 'im not ready for a relationship' bc she had broken up a 4yo relationship. but she was always aware i liked her and from my pov she was holding it up as some leverage, even tho she denied this part many times in convos we had.
here comes the situation i want some external opinion. after i had disclosed that i didnt want to be her friend (in a bad way cuz that was my 'i love you' to her but i couldnt say it) she some time after hooked up with a guy mostly because of one of her friends that 'set it up'. it was only kissing etc etc.
fast forward we are together and im not aware of the fact, although that night i talked to her and my intuition funnily enough was saying exactly what had happened, i lost sleep that night, and i kept making me feel bad for myself bc i felt i was paranoid and kind of 'stalking' bc we shared locations and i just put 1 and 1 together by checking her loc that night.
so this bday of one of her friends comes up and she invites to come with her, the bday she was attending was a double bday with the guy she kissed, bc theyre also good friends them both. she had been invited by her friend, and not the guy she kissed.
but here is the thing, she never told me that she had kissed him, and there were at least 4 people that knew of that at the bday. i shook the fuckers hand without even knowing.
bday starts i drink a little can more lively try to talk with ppl, and at some moment she just gets my attention while smilling looking at me and says ' i have to tell you something' ' during blah blah blah i ended up kissing him..' she says this with the most casual tone and the most infuriating part is she was all smiley before saying this almost as if preying on the moment i was most relaxed and at ease to tell me something like that,
after that i got very fucked up, we argued badly and i was up all night and went driving away. we kind of sorted it out and i demanded transparency but assured her i wasn't gonna ever trust her to my most ever again after that.
i can't to this day know what to think about it. she did tell me, she said it in the worst and in a very cruel way although she said to me she didnt mean it to seem like she did not care about it, she also said the people that were with her the night it happened, when she asked them if she should tell me, they all said no. im glad she did.
is there any perspective am i not realizing here? should she had told me before even going?as obvious? do i appreciate her telling me that still?
TLDR: gf took me to double bday of friend and guy she kissed before and only told me when i was already there.