AITAH for wanting a hug during an argument?
For starters I have been dating my now boyfriend for 6 years. He has always been an avoidant and I have always been anxious. We bicker a lot. The problem is I feel like I'm doing the emotional labor for 2 people. Last night is a good example. I was tired and we were sitting on the couch he was just ignoring me for his phone. I'll admit I should've communicated I wasn't mad just unimpressed. We've talked about it before about how it would make me feel loved if he was more present. So instead of explaining I just laid in bed. The door was opened and not locked I figured when he did want to talk he would come in. He came in grabbed his charger and didn't say a word. I went out about 15mins later. He went into the guess bed and locked the door. I knocked and instead of getting to answer he just says "What?". I asked if he was okay and if he wanted to hang out. He told me that no I clearly didn't want to hang out and I was just in a bad mood. I literally tried explaining my perception of the night. He kept saying he wanted space. I said okay but can you give me a hug so I know where ok and that you love me. He said no he didn't want to. I started crying cause it hurt he started laughing. I feel like this is all stupid. I made a pizza and dropped it off for him and spent the night drinking and watching movies. Come to find out the next day he said that I stayed on the couch to spite him and just to "prove a point" he peed outside his window to avoid me. It's bugged me ever since. He claims it no big deal. He says it's because I clearly am incapable of giving him space. Fast forward to the next night I kept thinking about it. He asked me what's wrong I told him the truth. He started talking about himself instead of actually listening and said "You always make it about you." Okay how can you feel seen or heard? Or what's a resolution for both of us? I kept spitting out ideas like instead of shutting down working through it right away, just giving me a kiss and having space, saying I love you, setting a timer, etc. He says because of ADHD he can't meet those needs. To top it off he'll go days of holding a grudge if I don't reach out first. I feel like he's using it as a crutch so he doesn't have to take accountability. As an excuse he says when the doors locked take it as a sign I want space. I said if your in a mood you need to communicate that I shouldn't get home from work and have to guess a 22yo emotions you should text or give me a heads up. He gets mad when I say I don't feel like you love me. He says I only tell you everyday. I said it doesn't count as consistency when I'm being punished for having feeling and you ditching me when it matters. Help! AITA?