...where are you at? How did life turn out for you?
A little about me. I'm 35, male. I was severely abused for a long time. Today I am very dysfunctional. I am on disablity. I live in a cheap apartment & assume I will never own a house. I'm okay with that as long as I have a space for myself. I'm scared of people, especially connections to anyone. I don't know how to socialize because of fear, sadness, feeling disconnected from everyone. As a result I have no friends. I cannot date. I fundamentally feel I have nothing to offer anyone. I'm supposedly ugly, at least I was publicly humiliated daily with that 20 years ago too. Over the last 6 years I have developed a substance abuse problem. I've spent most of my life dissociated, dreaming. The psychiatry here was of no help & only further made me worse.
I don't really have a life. But I never really had one anyway. I didn't have a childhood, or youth - it was stolen from me. I feel like I don't have a future the same way I do not have a present or a past.
I feel even in spaces like these I feel I don't fit in because I am as much of a loser as I am, or I guess I'm not a "loser"... I was made dysfunctional by people that should have helped me develop as a functional human, but I still feel like one.
Idk what I'm asking... I just wonder if maybe there are some good stories out there? Is it possible to turn things around? What would it require? Did things work out for some of you?
Thank you for reading.