u/Complete_Box_8638

So I currently study at a Good College in DU and have made my decent place there but yk what I feel I lack is true friendship, it's like I want something from friends like I want to have a set of friends that have no things different that what I want in my future me like I want a future me to be with me but all the future me's are in current state of where I am rn and they for sure don't look good to me, if you ask me why like there are different types of people some are good at study and worry about their future, some are one who care about enjoying current life and some are who don't give a fuck, i somehow want everything in one person but a thing important to notice is that you don't chose friendships but they rather develop and when I see a person lacking somewhere or someone who is bigger of a person that I am then I feel like pulling back from them because either they are not at my level or i am not at theirs and this leads to me not having true friendships, I want a nerd friend, i want a party friend, i want a masculine friend, I want a soft friend but, one cannot be all so I seek for quantity which leads to me compromising on Quality and deep connection because I start to weigh relations beyond a extent which Is necessary and somehow you need people to get through phases of life because of you end up somehow somewhere you should have people to reflect back to and say yeah there were the true relationship which I earned through my life - like rn I have a friend whom I have been friends since years but because she is not bullish on her life and not at the stage where I want her i am i think pulling back which Is really bad cos she thinks I am here best but it's bad from my side - it's like I weigh friends as what they provide me for my good and that's not right