I (18m) have a little sister (11f) who I adore but we have a pretty difficult and complicated relationship and I need some honestly on whether I was an AH or not because of the stuff I said.
My sister and I are full siblings. We also have a stepsister (15f), a half brother (7m) and a half sister (5f). My little sister considers us all her full siblings. She sees it that way because she doesn't remember our mom, who died when I was 9 and she was 2. She only remembers our dad's wife, who came into our life less than two years later, being a mom. I never saw my dad's wife as my mom. I didn't have a good relationship with her or my dad after they got together for reasons that don't really come into play much. I'll just say I wasn't willing to do all they wanted me to do to make the blended family perfect and we have issues with each other because of that.
I have a really good relationship with everyone in my mom's family. I have lived with my grandparents for several months now, I have spent a few weeks staying with my mom's closest (in age) sister and her husband and kids. I see the rest of my mom's siblings and their families once a month. I have gone on vacations with them for years, which was a source of conflict with my dad and his wife AND my half sister. My mom's family really wanted my sister to be a part of all of the stuff I do with them but she doesn't want them. She has said time and time again she doesn't like seeing them and she doesn't get why she'd have to go. I know my dad and his wife were very happy about that and I know they somewhat influenced her to feel that way. But there's nothing I or mom's family can do. She was always miserable hanging out with us all together and she'd get mad at me or at them if mom ever came up in conversation or if we went to see the grave, which neither happened THAT often. It breaks my family's hearts but they respect that no relationship can be forced.
The problem is my sister feels left out when I do spend time with my family. It happened even when she didn't want to go. She has admitted she wanted me to not want to go too and she wanted me to stay and do something else that she could be included in. I told her before she could always be included and I told her countless times that they're her family too but she doesn't feel like they are. She considers my dad's wife's family to be her other side of the family. It bothers her that I don't consider those people my family at all while considering my mom's family my family. And I know it bothers her that I don't consider the same two people my parents that she does. For me it's mom and dad. For her it's dad and his wife. I have done my best to talk to her about our mom and answer questions but she doesn't really ask them and the few she has asked are mostly about why is she so special that you won't love my mom (dad's wife) or why do I want to have a dead mom and not an alive mom. I still try to answer those but she's already just kind of focused on how I should feel or see people.
I have plans to spend a month in another country with all of mom's family. We're doing a big family vacation. My sister was upset when she learned about it and she told me not to go because she misses me and doesn't want to be left out but she doesn't want to do that with them. She said we should do it with dad and his wife and the others instead. I told her I'm not going to do that. I told her I will never stop doing things she doesn't want to do just because she feels left out. I explained that the people she doesn't see as her family, I see as mine and I want to spend time with them. I told her I won't make her spend time with them too. But she has to learn that as long as that's how she feels I will be doing things with them that she won't be included in. The interaction made my sister cry and she told me I hated her and I hated our family and why can't I just be normal and love them like she does. I told her I love her and have never hated her and we can have different opinions on people but I will still love her. She didn't calm down after hearing that and then my dad found out and he was pissed.
He started to say some shit but I walked away from him and didn't answer his calls. He's texted a few times and I stopped reading them because he's just blaming me for her having a hard time with this.
AITAH?