u/Complete-Sandwich702

My little brother & I have been members of a gang for the last 10 years. I was constantly in and out of jail for a good 5 year period. The second before last time I went in and got out, one of the first things I did was advise my little brother to do something in furtherance of "us" that landed him in prison, where he's been since. I've had a lot of time to myself to think and reflect on these choices and I've even used psychedelics and had a complete ego death moment and realization that my life is just completely going in the wrong direction, and I've made quite the effort recently to change that. However, my little brother continuously reports to me from prison that my reputation is still solid, and I can step back into it at any time, and he's really made no effort to step away despite me trying to explain to him there is more to life out here. Long story short he's coming home soon, I'm not the same person I once was & I have no idea how to tell him that without feeling guilty and selfish and like I'm abandoning him. Because of my mindset at the time and whole outlook on life we did terrible things as a pair and in my eyes he made the ultimate sacrifice short of death and did prison time for something I had a hand in. How am I supposed to just tell him it was all for nothing? That I want a different life for us. I've never struggled to tell my little brother anything but right now I feel like he's stronger than me which might have to do with the way I looked at square people versus gang members. I always looked at normal citizens like less-than, like "if they knew what I knew, they would be gang banging too." It's hard because in some ways I still kind of believe that in an internalized way even though I know it's wrong and normal people don't even think that way. Sometimes when I talk to him he makes me miss a life I know is so backwards. What do I do y'all?